» Personal Hygiene

My old manager
for the company I still work for, had the worst feet in the world. He lived in Sheffield, and often ended up staying in Nottingham over night in a hotel because it was pointless going home. But he never thought about bringing spare clothes with him.
One night we all went round our work-mates house for dinner. He took his shoes off to reveal bare feet. He hadnt been home in three days by then.
He was banned from the house by all the house mates.

And
I used to get the 5.55am bus into town to start my shift. And without fail, three stops down from me this man would get on. He had three back packs and various carrier bags of stuff with him. He was clearly homeless, and everyone he passed on the bus would retch. It was a kind of death/piss smell. He must have lived in the woods or something...
(Thu 22nd Mar 2007, 21:22, More)

» Oldies vs Computers

Bother!
Whilst staying in Scotland with the Grandfolks, without the parents, i got many a phone call from mother about the computer.
"Kellie - how do you do the 'at' sign?"
I had to explain six times before she got it, and left her to break the hardrive or something. Everyday for the next week she phoned and asked the same thing.
But now she's some data processor or something, and ive only had one phone call about the @ button so far.
(Sun 24th Sep 2006, 20:31, More)

» Airport Stories

Americans.
Family holidays are always intresting for the MacGregors. But waiting at the airport is always the worst part. We flew out from Manchester smoothly. Two weeks in Flordia and time to come home.

Go through customs at Sanford, Orlando, and they took away our lighters. And everyone else flying out too. Four hour wait in departures and only one person had a box of matches. Of course, they were soon used.

What bastard made that rule? Hundreds of Brits going home with no way of lighting a fag. Plus when we got to the otherside of the pond, que hundreds of us looking for a newsagent to buy shiney new lighters after a 12 hour flight.

Fucktards
(Wed 8th Mar 2006, 17:19, More)

» Injured Siblings

I was an evil bitch
I never liked my little sister.

1. When i was 2, she was born. On her second night at home my mum but her cot on the floor by her bed, next to a set of drawers. I apparently opened the drawers over her head. If they had fallen she would have died.

2. When i was 6 i threw her down the stairs and broke her arm.

3. When i was 7 i shut her arm in the door. Broken again.

4. When i was 8, i jumped on her back and cut the whole of her left side of her face. She still has the scar.

5. When i was 11 i pushed her into the fridge. She collapsed on the floor then woke up screaming.

6. 2 weeks ago (now this one isnt too bad) i slammed a hairbrush in her face and she SCREAMED. Now, honestly, it wasnt THAT bad...

Thats just a few.
(Sat 20th Aug 2005, 16:08, More)

» The Dark

jesus!

I must have been about 4 or 5 when i woke in the middle of the night to see, for some unknown reason why i thought it was, Jesus Christ himself. I was terrified. I thought he'd come for me and this was the end. Scared, I hid my head under the covers and hoped he would go back to Heaven. Even to this day i haven’t been as scared as i was that night. You know when you cant even shout for help, you don’t want to even breathe. I don’t think i even cried, i didn’t dare. I have no idea how i got to sleep.

When i woke up in the morning, where Jesus had stood was my dressing gown hanging on the back of the door.
(Tue 28th Jul 2009, 7:42, More)