b3ta.com user Andy_R
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You just lost the Game

Recent front page messages:

Time to dig out the Advent Colander again...

(Thu 30th Nov 2023, 22:58, More)

American Go Thin

(Mon 14th Aug 2023, 21:24, More)

Pearoast for compo

(Wed 5th Jul 2023, 18:25, More)

(Tue 27th Jun 2023, 13:32, More)

You know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in Beanotown?

(Sun 15th Jan 2023, 23:42, More)

(Fri 13th Jan 2023, 1:23, More)

I guess it's time to dig out the Advent Colander again...

(Wed 30th Nov 2022, 21:20, More)


(Fri 13th May 2022, 17:18, More)


(Sun 8th May 2022, 19:42, More)

Coming soon to Apple TV+

(Sun 20th Mar 2022, 20:59, More)

(Fri 21st Jan 2022, 2:05, More)


(Sun 16th Jan 2022, 22:57, More)

Non Fungible Tolkein

(Wed 5th Jan 2022, 16:59, More)

It's that time again...

(Wed 1st Dec 2021, 15:05, More)


(Mon 12th Apr 2021, 12:45, More)

Where we go P1 we go all

(Thu 21st Jan 2021, 23:23, More)

I guess it's time to dig out the old advent colander again

(Mon 30th Nov 2020, 19:14, More)

Might as well...

(Fri 30th Oct 2020, 18:23, More)


(Sun 27th Sep 2020, 17:27, More)

Who is it for? Two midgets shitting in a bucket.

(Sun 1st Sep 2019, 20:37, More)


(Mon 12th Aug 2019, 18:08, More)


(Sun 11th Aug 2019, 18:56, More)

Ladies and Gentlemen....

(Sun 21st Jul 2019, 19:02, More)


(Mon 20th May 2019, 2:14, More)


(Fri 11th Jan 2019, 22:56, More)

The same procedure as last year, Miss Sophie?
The same procedure as every year, James.

(Sat 1st Dec 2018, 22:35, More)


(Sat 10th Nov 2018, 13:19, More)

(Fri 31st Aug 2018, 2:08, More)


(Fri 17th Aug 2018, 22:09, More)

Yes, it's advent colander time again.

(Thu 30th Nov 2017, 23:29, More)

Any other b3tans heading to Liverpool for the return of...

(Thu 17th Aug 2017, 21:04, More)

I don't really start to feel christmassy until I've got the advent colander out again.

(Wed 30th Nov 2016, 21:27, More)

Time to dig out the advent colander again

(Mon 30th Nov 2015, 19:09, More)


... I'll just let that sink in for a minute
(Fri 24th Apr 2015, 12:21, More)

What do you think of it so far?

(Sun 8th Mar 2015, 13:14, More)

Time to dig out the old advent collander

(Mon 1st Dec 2014, 15:28, More)

Time to dig out the Advent Collander again..

(Thu 1st Dec 2011, 22:37, More)

Dotted lines you say? Have an advent collander

(Mon 23rd Nov 2009, 18:10, More)

Ow, it burns, it burns!

(Fri 14th Jan 2005, 15:03, More)

He never had this problem with hunny

Much joy at getting FP!
(Mon 16th Feb 2004, 1:12, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Little Victories

Late night drag racing in Essex
Back in the days of yuppies and affordable petrol, before anyone had ever heard of global warming, I used to drive a clapped out Jaguar XJS, wanting something a bit classier than the usual loutish essex boy racer cars of my contemporaries.

At about 3am I'm driving home from London after a long night at work, and I pull up at a set of lights on the outskirts of Romford. There are 3 lanes, me in the middle, and on my left a proper Essex wide boy, in a silver Porsche 911. He starts revving his engine like mad, and inching forward in stops and starts, and shouting something at me (god knows what, I couldn't hear it over his engine, but it was clear he's going to race me no matter what, and wipe the floor with my sedate V12 cruiser). I look over to my right, where there are two young-ish blokes in a fairly fast looking Ford Sierra. With a tip of my head, I indicate the Porsche driver, and with a barely imperceptible nod, the passenger shows he understands perfectly.

A few tense adrenalin-filed moments pass before the light goes amber. Either side of me, I hear squeals of tyre smoke. I, however sit there, until the amber turns to green, and then push the accellerator, gently, wafting off into the night to the strains of the BBC world service. The Porsche spins it's wheels and heads for the horizon at an insane pace. The Sierra also waits a moment, and in that moment, the passenger breifly tips his hat to me, before it too zooms into the night with as much zest and urgency as the Porsche, but with slightly more blue flashing lights on top.
(Fri 11th Feb 2011, 12:25, More)

» Impromptu Games You Play

A game for 2 or more people, ideal for those all-too-common situations when you have agreed that playing a card game would be a good idea, but are unable to agree on which one.

Each player thinks of a card game, and asks the dealer for as many cards as are required for them to play that game. Players take turns to play one turn of their chosen game, sticking as closely as possible to the rules of that game. The game is won by the first player who manages to 'win' by the rules of whatever game they have chosen.

Strategy: Beginners tend to opt for the comedy option of Snap, which can indeed be particularly effective against players of Rummy who are required to place sets of cards down, but it is usually impossible for them to obtain all the cards and claim a 'win' first. Pontoon is often a good choice, since relatively few cards are required to reach 21, but there is the danger of going 'broke'. 5 Card Poker is also a strong choice (and bets are relatively safe if you are the only one gambling) but do not be reckless, many a good poker hand has lost to a player of gin rummy who has put down 2 'three of a kind's before you have given them their second opportunity to raise you. Hearts is a strong choice against Poker players, since you can take all 3 of their cards and give them 3 bad ones. Patience games are an interesting option, and can (with luck) win in a single turn, but this strategy can be thwarted by Snap players removing your cards, or by rummy players declaring themselves winners by virtue of having no cards left.
(Tue 30th Mar 2004, 15:10, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

On a railway bridge in East London
To advertise here call 0800 B A N K S Y
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 18:06, More)

» Stupid Tourists

Most of Soho in London is quite dull
It's just offices and shops. When I worked there I was quite often approached by Tourists asking how to get to 'Soho'. Once I explained that Soho is quite big, and they are already in it, I took grat pleasure in inquiring very innocently what they were specifically looking for in Soho, so I could direct them there. This was their cue to consult their phrasebook in a rather embarassing search for a polite way of saying 'porn shop', 'prossie' or 'gay bar'.

The prize for stupid things a tourist has said to me goes to the man who blushed and said 'oh, I just want to see some historic buildings', which sounds perfectly reasonable, unless you know that Soho has practically no historical buildings, and you imagine it being said by someone dressed exactly like the leather outfit wearing one from the village people (right down to the handlebar moustache), and in exactly the same voice as Jack from Will and Grace.
(Fri 8th Jul 2005, 11:47, More)

» Have you ever started a fire?

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning Since the world's been turning. We didn't start the fire, No we didn't light it, but we tried to fight it.

Josef stalin malenkov nasser and prokofiev, rockefeller campanella communist bloc. Roy cohn juan peron toscanini, dacron svenno james dean status quo, furtive bear JFK blown away. What else do I have to say?

We didn't start the fire...
(Wed 3rd Mar 2004, 0:28, More)
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