b3ta.com user Sir Tainley Barking
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» * PFFT *

Its not just botties that Burp!
After a particularly unpleasant abdominal operation I was confined to bed for a week. As I was unable to move under my own steam, getting to the toilet was impossible, so they inserted a catheter so that I could wee in a controllable, hygenic fashion.

What they don't tell you is that when you have the catheter out, it often leaves your bladder full of air.

I didn't find this out until I had an urgent need to pee. Off I trot to the loo to dispense a teaspoon full of urine followed by a five second fart.

Not from my guts.

Disturbing but curiously arousing

Length? a bit shrunken, but better now
(Sat 14th Jul 2007, 22:21, More)

» Call Centres

Customer care line for a company that sold Feminine Hygiene
For a while I worked in the Technical / Quality department of such a company. They made Tampons and Sanitary towels, and from time to time we'd get asked to help out answering some of the more unusual questions that the customer helpdesk hadn't heard of before.

There were a few we saved up and were quoted whenever the drink started flowing. Suffice to say, you needed to be pretty unshockable.
For a company of this sort, you'd be surprised how many men phoned up

One example (Cleanish)
Q: I'm going on a safari holiday, and I want to take tampons with me for first aid purposes. Is this safe?
A: Yes, plenty on the internet about this sort of thing. Quite popular with US marines in Iraq. (So I'm told)- Tampons make very good emergency field dressings for gunshot wounds-Well thats how they were first invented in WW1

One Example (Just wierd)
This involved a bloke who wished to indulge with his girlfriend in some games that involved pulling things out of her and shoving it into him.
The gist of the advice was:
a) Don't eat them (Used or unused)
b) If they've been used by her for a longish time they're going to be too soggy to use on you
c) If they've been up you sir, for gods sake don't pack them back into her
d) Lubricant may help
e) If you bite the string off you're going to have to get them out the difficult way.

The public are a very odd lot
(Sun 6th Sep 2009, 22:31, More)

» Guilty Laughs

I shouldn't have laughed when I read this
cruelty to animals is NOT funny, but..


Single to Hull please
(Fri 23rd Jul 2010, 12:24, More)

» Good Advice

Advice from my Grandmother
When as a wide-eyed teenager I came back from from my first term at university.

Well I'm sure you're making loads of new friends so don't forget to wear a condom, 'cos you don't want to get her pregnant.

She was 85 at the time.....
(Thu 20th May 2010, 21:21, More)

» Impulse buys

Ebay is evil
Its like Crack for a junkie, or in my case fuel for an inveterate magpie like myself.

My downfalls on this purveyor of assorted tat tend to be things I have a wild idea that I can fix and adapt into something interesting, but in the end never do, and Cameras.

So after the last attempt I now have a lawnmower engine, and assorted kids bikes that I was thinking of converting to into a gokart, along with other oddly shaped "useful" stuff.

The cameras are of course something else.

Now I know its fashionable on teh interweb, to brag about buying the latest 100 gigapixel Nikon/Pentax/Sony plastic POS that takes crappy pictures and eats rechargeables for breakfast. Thats not what I collect.

We are talking here about old fashioned cameras. Ones that take proper film. I've bought 35mm SLR's of all sorts (at least 5) box cameras, Box brownies, folding cameras that take proper rolls of 6cm wide film, stuff that I can't even get hold of film for anymore, but I thought looked cool. Developing kit, tanks, all sorts.
Half of it is all piled up waiting for its turn outside.

Upside, at least this doesn't cost a fortune (£30 for a mint 1930's folding camera), and even better the looks on the faces of the purchasers of aforementioned 100gigapixel trinkets if you are standing next to them taking a picture. Priceless.

Length? About 5 foot long, 35mm wide, and paper thin
(Thu 21st May 2009, 21:51, More)
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