b3ta.com user Moonraker
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» Karma

Possibly fitting into last weeks QOTW as well
My parents farm near Swindon, and those of you unfortunate enough to still live in the region will know that the council are selling off farmland on the 'front garden' (home to lots of newts btw) to build houses (on a floodplain - go figure). Anyway, this has left farm builiding derilict, so some bright spark started hosting illegal raves in the barns.

The council (who own the farms) put bigger shinier locks, yet to no avail, the raves continued. So as a a last resort, the got a local farmer (my dad) to cover the insides of the barns with lovely fresh manure. And he did a marvelous job.

Ravers come back to find their local dance venue smelling like the inside of Steven Hawking's nappy, and plot revenge.

The local building site was raided, and the a large JCB was 'borrowed'. 2 empty (but perfectly useable) houses and the barn were demolished, and the jcb was left ontop of the rubble like a large yellow glace cherry.

Don't mess with druggies and their raves, it'll come back to bite.

/on reflection, this doesn't fit the question at all, but I've typed it anyway.
(Thu 21st Feb 2008, 14:55, More)

» Evil Pranks

After a night out
at uni, I came home to find my housemate asleep on the sofa, head tilted back, mouth open, classic drunk.

Rather than opting for the traditional teabagging, i choose to retrieve the uber hot 'Dave's chilli sauce' which unless you have a mouth made of asbestos, renders food inedible such was it's strength.

I dabbed a few drops around his mouth and stood back to await the results. He woke, looked rather puzzled why he had woken and then realized his mouth was on fire. I gave the game away by standing in the kitchen pissing myself laughing, as he ran to the fridge to drink milk to cool his mouth. Stupidly he then threw the milk at me, coating the room but also wasting the precious liquid that could cool his mouth.

Good times
(Thu 13th Dec 2007, 15:53, More)

» Fancy Dress

Was a friends house party
house was filling up, when a bloke dressed up as the KKK arrived, full white hood, the works. Nervous glances as to who might be under the hood, as we knew at least one black fella was going to come to the party.

KKK man removed the hood, to reveal our black mate.

Best costume of the night! (except the absolute hottie dressed in revealing belly dancer costume)
(Tue 17th Jan 2006, 12:46, More)

» Crappy Prizes

At a country show
I forget which, but hey ho.

Bought some raffle tickets, and lo, my ticket was drawn first.

First prize?
£150 worth of Bull semen.


On the other hand I did win a brand spanking new playstation when they first came out when I joined some crappy experimental Mondex scheme.

*Insert obligitory/obvious length/girth joke about bull semen here*
(Tue 9th Aug 2005, 10:37, More)

» Advice from Old People

Never fall asleep when you're going down on a girl
Firstly she won't like you one little bit for it. but also it's not the most pleasant thing to wake up to.
(Fri 20th Jun 2008, 12:43, More)
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