» Ignoring Instructions

Indoor Fireworks
When I was 7 I was at a friends birthday party. It was the usual affair - party games, jelly, cheese and pinapple cocktail sticks etc.

At the end of the food the hosting adults placed a small brightly coloured pill on our empty plates, then left the room for a minute. Being young kiddies we assumed they were sweets and promply scoffed them. The adults return to the room and looked horrified that we had eaten the little pills - they were indoor fireworks! Cue much frantic screaming and cursing from all the parents present, and violent vomiting from us kids. 9 of us went to hospital and I heard the hosts were nearly sued several times over!
(Sun 7th May 2006, 17:54, More)

» Ignoring Instructions

Just stupid
Also...

When I was very young I remember asking my mum what would happen if I put my hands in the toaster. Ignoring her advise that I would hurt I did it anyway and suffered nasty burns. Apparently about a year later I repeated the stunt with a car cigarette lighter.

I have since grown up and wised up. I am now a fireman!
(Sun 7th May 2006, 17:59, More)

» Awesome Sickies

Appenidsickness
I was in primary school one day, bored out of my brains. Decided to fake being sick so I could sent home and do something more fun. Worked a treat until my mum picked me up and insisted I went straight to the doctors. He had a bit of a prod about and told me my appendix (spelt wrong) were about to burst and that I had to go to hospital immediately! Feck!

So there I was being wheeled into the operating theatre thinking god or someone was having a massive laugh and teaching me a lesson at the same time. At least I got two weeks off school, but from that day I have never (well rarely) pulled a sicky.

I only told my mum last year (22 years since the event). She nearly wey herself!
(Fri 9th Jun 2006, 18:40, More)

» Airport Stories

Stewardess Smackdown
In the summer of 2000 I as travelling through Central and South America.

I took a cheap-as-chips internal flight from Peru to Brazil on TACA Merco Sur (South American equivilant of Aeroflot). It was a virtually empty flight and the plane an old turboprop that was way older than me (33). It was really turbulant and scary from the first 5 minutes of the flight, but then from the back of the plane we heard a load screaking. It was only the 4 drunk stewardesses haveing a scap! Apparently one had called another a rude word and a full on hair pulling and nail scratching ensued! It lasted about 5 minutes until the co-pilot piled down the back to calm things down.

I took cheaper-than-chips chicken buses for the rest of my journey - it scared (but also amused) the bejesus out of me!

On my flight home home I joined the mile high club (it's over-rated, cramped and smelly).
(Sun 5th Mar 2006, 17:38, More)

» Sacked

Cleaning faux pas
My first ever proper job (after paper rounds) was cleaning at a chemical factory in the evenings after school. On my very first day the supervisor got me to basically do all the work (and I mean all), whilst he and the other cleaners sat around smoking and talking. At the end of a very long and dirty foru our shift and woman came up to me and asked how my first day was. To which I replied:

'Well apart from that fat b******d making do all the work it's been just dandy thanks for asking'.

To which she replied:

'That fat b******d is my Dad and I'm going to grass you up.'

Nadgers! Cue a very embarrasing few minutes whilst she, he and the other cleaners had a rant at me.

I got a phone call the next morning saying I was 'surplus to requirements'. Twunts. Lucky escape for me though - it was grim and they all had BO.
(Fri 24th Feb 2006, 18:53, More)