» Out of my depth

Wrong....so wrong
Being a lady i have a few tactics for getting men to buy me drink. One of these being pretenind im german/french.

oNe night out in glasgow i was trying it on with sum guy pretneing i was called Gertude and i was from germany. One thing leads to another and we ended up goinf out for 6 months with me having to pretend i was german and called gertrude. Cue being introduced to his mother (who coincidently was german) and having to recite standard grade german at her.

Mum ahhh wie heibt du Gertrude!!
mE: "Eh....ich bin...gut."
Mum: Wie kommst du?
Me: Il get me coat.....

Never heard from him again.....
(Wed 20th Oct 2004, 23:30, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Fascist Parents
Having a common name spelt an abnormal way was quiete frustrating when i was a youngster, could nver ever ever find any of they pencils pens or rulers spelling out my name. When i asked my parents why they didnt make pencils or owt with my name on them "becasue there is nobody else in the universe spelt with a k" made me feel proper special til i was 14 and met sumone else spelt with a k. i was heartbroken. They later told me that the reason iw as spelt with a K is that so they didnt have to buy all that junk.

we used to hav routine where my bed time was at 8 and i had to go to bed after coranation street and i would go put my pajamas on at the commercial break. my mum told me last year that they used to record it and put me to my bed at 5oclock so that i would be sleeping all nite. stupid kristine never ever clicked on......
(Thu 15th Jan 2004, 1:01, More)

» Shame

Shame, You Say?
I wish my name was a bit more anonymyous or that god had granted me a conciounce -

1) 14 years old and promised a man who had learning disabilities and was genrelly just a window licker that i would marry him if he bought me nad my frineds our carry out for the weekend. He spent his entire weeks disability allowance on us. His carer phoned the police on us eventually.

2) Screing over a girl that i know bby slepeing with her bf for the last threee years. then they split up and he has a new bird and im still seeing him

3) Sex in a graveyard/Church/Primary school/Secondary school/Nightclub Toilets etc.

4) Putting wagers on when the pope would die.

5)This is defintly the worst - There was this girl who i hated with a passion who started going out with my ex. She was a virgin and wouldnt sleep with him untilhe had an std test. Few months later i found out some dirty bastard had given me the clap and she foiund out and told everybody. So i shagged my ex, then he shagged her and she got it.

5) Tripping up they do gooders who try and get you to donate cash to charitys.

6) When losing said virginty, bleeding all over the boy. I mean ALLLL over. I still cringe.

7) Oh and playing chap door run on the local "Assisted living centre" - Eg, Mental Asylum that had individual houses for the patients. One of them was called "Cool-it" cus she always used to shout that at us. She ended up dying of a heat attack casued by stress. I knew it was my fault all along and i STILL have nightmares.
(Fri 25th Nov 2005, 22:30, More)

» Ignoring Instructions

I know is shouldnt....but i will
Every time my mum and dad go away on holiday im left a list of instructions. Every time they do this theese instructions are usually challenged...

Dont use the dog basket as a sledge and go down the stairs on them Cue a fractured hip and the possibilty of old person esque arthritis when im older

Also dont use your body board to surf down the stiars. Cue 4 of my frineds having to go to hospital

Dont subsutitue yor room as a whorehouse for the week....Cue not being able to sit down or piss without a burning sensation for weeks

Dont dye your hair black in the living room with the brand new cream carpets. The insurace refused to cover it

Dont invite every teenager you know round to the house and have a party. We had squatters we couldnt get rid of for ageeeeeeeees and there still finding remanants of the party

Dont let your friends get drunk and suggest they pierce any parts of your body. Septicemia HURTS.

General instructions

When you turn 18 dont take advamntage of people offering you credit cards. Im 20 now and my parents had to bail me out of 3k debt

Dont spent 5th and 6th year at school hammered and fail your exams. Dosnt really matter now cus im a holiday rep in majorcand i have the BEST. JOB.EVER.

Oh, dont smoke, dont drink and stay away from boys. To late Nowwwwwwww

I really should have listened to the, They do
(Tue 9th May 2006, 21:05, More)

» Urban Legends

Some would think im blonde....
When i lived in the channel islands i told my frined that becasue germans had taken them over in the war the residents still to this day spoke german. And we were 8 hours ahead of us, Meaning that when she phoned me at 4pm in the afternoon id have to pretend it was 12oclock and so on.

And i told my m8 louis walsh was gay which she told everybody.

WHEN I was 5ish my bedtime was 8pm and it was alwasy the breaks in coranation street that signalled i had to go get my pajamas on. Little Did i know my parents would tape corantion street and play it at 5pm so id be asleep by 5.30.

Oh and my dad told me lord of the rings was based on a true story which i only found out WASNT true a few weeks ago the amusement of my boyfriends.

Oh and my parents told me i was th eonly Girl in the old to have my name spelt with a K. i cried when i met anotehr girl whos name was the same as mine.

Oh and another one. I have human hair extensions in and my Friend asked me where they came from. I told her that victims of the tsunami in thailand were that poor that they shaved there hair pff and sold it tothe western world becasue there hair is much better quality. AShe told everybody and then i was accused of being "sick"
Oh god im quite dense.
(Sun 8th Jan 2006, 1:16, More)