b3ta.com user Blob
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East Meow, NY

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» Lies Your Parents Told You

Bird Brain
One day before leaving for school I told my mom that Tweety, our parakeet, was stiff at the bottom of the cage. She told me that she would put him in a paper bag and bring him to the doctor. When I got home that day, Tweety was fine, but he was a green instead of blue. My mom told me the medicine does that sometimes.
Tweety lived a very long time, but every so often he would have to go to the doctor and sometimes his color would change.
(Thu 15th Jan 2004, 1:57, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

Weird Kid
Stuart was/is a genius, but weird. He also wanted to appear normal. Well, I and my friend Steven were walking along with Stuart between us, and Steven called out, "Left ball!" I, of course, called out, "Right ball!"
The next move is for both of us to point at Stuart and say "Who's the dick in the middle?" but before we could say it, Stuart jumped forward and yelled, "Middle ball!"
To say he was an oddball is just too obvious.
(Mon 22nd Jan 2007, 3:39, More)

» Stupid Colleagues

Power Stripper
Now that I've gotten your attention, this is about our secretary, Margie, who is a nice person but a bit strange. Her computer had no power. Was it plugged in? Yes, but the power strip was plugged into itself. That's not the worst of it; she plugged it that way on purpose because when she plugged it into the wall, the wire crossed the aisle and she didn't want to trip! I think she was tripping already!
(Tue 8th Mar 2011, 5:23, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Bathroom Graffiti

Those who write on shithouse walls
Roll their shit in little balls.
Those who read these words of wit
Eat these little balls of shit.

On the inside of a stall door, near the top:

Your wallet just fell in.
(Mon 7th May 2007, 5:10, More)

» Urban Legends

Bird Skid Marks
I convinced my little kid that when a car made a screeching tire sound it was a bird flying overhead that had changed direction. I would look up quickly, point at the offending bird, and knowingly show the trajectory.
I thought I was pretty clever until he started faking me out by pointing up and getting me to look whenever there was a skidding sound. Then he would get this evil sneaky grin...
(Fri 6th Jan 2006, 22:23, More)
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