Brrrrrrmmmm.

(Tue 6th Feb 2007, 16:27, More)

I think I have a severe case of athletes toilet

(Fri 13th Oct 2006, 9:51, More)

They say Domestos kills 99% of all bacteria.....

but it doesn't get rid of these.
(Mon 9th Oct 2006, 13:19, More)

» Debt pron

Me, gullibe? Never
A few years back when I was living in Oxford I was working for Brookes University. On my way home from work one day while listening to my walkman, a guy approached me. He was making frantic gestures at me, so I pulled out my headphone and decided to grace him my full attention. He had apparently missed his lift home back to Reading and desperately needed £30 to get the train back. I question why I should give him the money when I may never se him again. He said he would be back in Oxford the next day to work again and would pay me back.

After much haggling I reluctently agreed to lend him the money but only if he let me keep his bag and his coat as security. So we went to local cash machine and I promptly gave him the money and a spot outside the university was our agreed meeting point for us to exchange bag and coat for cash.

The next day, the alloted time for exchange came and went, I hung around for a further 30 mins but to no avail.

So, now a bit pissed off and in possession of a bag and coat I did not want, I decided to riffle through the goody sack and see what else I had become owner of. In the main section beyond the rolled coat (sheepskin) there was nothing else, but opening up the outer compartment I found a syringe, tin foil and tissue with blood on. I decide that I had been well and truly had, so the bag, coat and paraphernalia went into storage in far corner of the loft of house I was renting. To this day I believe it still resides there.

As for the chap who borrowed the money, I hope you are rotting in some back alley with a needle in your arm and mangy dog licking you balls.
(Wed 29th Nov 2006, 17:15, More)

» Childhood Ambitions

Wrong body.
As a child I wanted to be a kangaroo when I grew up.

Suprisingly that dream has not come true.
(Thu 29th Mar 2007, 18:37, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Saw a piccy on the web the other day.
It was a photo of a security camera which in it's sweep faced a patch of wall. On that patch of wall was written:

'What you looking at?'

Made me laugh.
(Fri 4th May 2007, 20:56, More)

» Blood

Red train to Hythe
Like most people my degree coursework was usually done the night before it was due to be handed in. After pulling an all nighter and suffering from a heavy cold I was due to get a train to Hythe, Kent for a family reunion once I had handed in the coursework.

On the leg of the journey from London to Hythe I was feeling rather queasy. I thought I was just sweating profoundly but when I looked down there were spots of blood on my shirt and I realised I had a nose bleed. Having suffered from them since childhood I was not fazed by this so I staggered to the the train toilet to plug my nose and clean myself up.

Once in the toilet it became apparent that the nose bleed would not be quick to stop, in those situations I usually hang my head over the sink and run cold water over it. Of course being a British train it had one of those little dog turd foot pumps to get the water out of the tap, also being a British train it had no water. The nose bleed lasted about 5 minutes, the clean up operation took slightly longer. Once I had used virtually all the toilet paper to wipe the sink and the toilet itself was stuffed with bloody tissue (unable to flush due to lack of water) I decided to abandon my efforts and return to my seat. To say the least the sink had gone from unclean white to dirty pink.

I can't imagine what any other users must have thought had gone on in there to result in such mess, but I don't think it was any less than the stndard I would usually expect on an South East train.
(Fri 8th Aug 2008, 10:00, More)

» Dumb things you've done

I'll never be an electrician.
Standing on top of a step ladder changing a light fitting (not just the bulb), had forgotten to turn off electricity. Touched wires, got electrocuted, fell of ladder and bruised my coxix.

Felt real clever afterwards.
(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 15:07, More)