b3ta.com user Super piat
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Hello there ,
I'm Dutch and Jewish, and I can barely read and write in english , be gentle with me.
I'm a mystery person(lots of people called me Joe) ,Now I write full time WAHEEYYYYYY! I rarely do any work and usually skive to stay in bed, I'm rather oldish and I live in leeds at the moment. all the time I write sitcom scripts , comedy sketches for Tv shows , some which have been piloted but it doesn't pay the bills, (fucking bbc3 cheap skates) everyone pisses on the writer!
Update : I quit my Job as I have just got a new tv show comming soon watch this space.
Update 2: comming this January , Sit com based on students bbc3 and canal.


If you want me to write a script based on your idea email me or w/e.

If you don' like me fuck off i don't care


Poems written for me

This is a normal post Poor little piat
Has something to cry at.
He burnt his digit.
He now sits and fidgets. - maffers

You are .exe When given proper orders, you execute them flawlessly.  You're familiar to most, and useful to all.
Which File Extension are You?






I am 9% Hippie.
So Not a Hippie.
What? Am I a Republican? Why did I even bother taken this test?! I guess Iíll back to my George W. Bush fan club and tell them I just wasted 10 minutes of my life. At least I donít stink, man.
Take the
Hippie Test
@ FualiDotCom


436f63 6b2054 756573 64 61
79 20 69 73 20 74
68 65 20 6f 6e65
20 74 72 75 65 20
776179 2e2054 686f73 65 20

77686f 20 64 6f206e 6f7420 666f6c 6c 6f 77
20 74 68 65 20 77 61 79 20 6 f6
62 04 36 f63 6b2054 75 65 736461 79
20 61 72 65 20 65 76 69 6c 21
20 546865 792073 68616c 6c2064 69 65 21

Recent front page messages:


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Best answers to questions:

» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

When I use to write for magazines..
As a hard up grad student I use to write for a few magazines , but your now thinking thats cool... no I use to write for girls "teen" magazines specically the letters section. I wrote both the letters and responses every month for 2 years... now you know why your children are screwed up. click I like this and I will scan in the secret messesage I planted in the mag...

Mod Edit: OK - so where's the scan?
(Sun 30th Sep 2007, 17:08, More)

» Stupid Dares

A friend of mine
(this story contains me)

A fair few years ago in a sunny place called cambridge I was single and so was my flatmate, I was single because I had dumpted my girlfriend after she cheated on me(previous qqotw) and my friend was well i'll put it this way grubby.

He was a skinny type with a beard and he was reading physics. He has little to no social skills and he could not dance.

He admitted to us that he had never kissed a girl, and he was 20. But he could roll a mean joint and we use to get on well me being somewhat of a nerd aswell.
He also had a thing about if anyone dared him to do somethig he would just to prove a point, so i coluded with another flatmate of mine in a way to get him to find a girl.
I dared him to get a girlfriend within a month and he said "well ok but whats in it for me?"
"I'll bet you 100 skinny pounds you can't"

The race was on, he got his hair done, shaved his beard off, got new clothes, he even went to a dance night to learn to dance at the union.

he first Friday night came, he looked nervoulsy around til he found a girl, she rejected him then he spent 3 days alone in his bedroom , welll being depressed at such a minor rejection.

At this I felt terrible racking my brain for a way to make it better, I spoke to a few people and we fopund out that a girl called Sarah, was alos hopeless at romance, so we se them up. My flatmate met her and went for a drink. We were also there being noisy twats, apparently he had said the first thing that came into his head and it was "will you consider marying me because i don't know but i think I love you and we could move in together and start a family one day"

But it worked she actually said okay then.

he ot married about a year ago to Sarah 4 years after meeting her in a dusty pub in cambridge and bursting out with a stupid line.

I handed over the £100 pounds when they met and I have never spent a 100 pounds better.

p.s I only did it because I fancied her mate who was fanfuckingtastic in bed! I ended up asking her to marry me!

£100 = 2 weddings and 4 happy people. Can't complain

length = 100 pounds
(Mon 5th Nov 2007, 0:57, More)

» Shoplifting

When I worked for a bank
I use to be a Security systems developer at a bank. we use to have computer systems clearances but because there were no inventories we could take any "old" equipment away.
This year I have had to dispose of many of theses items by giving them away.

click I like this and I will put a list of stuff I have left up for free (you must collect)
(Sat 12th Jan 2008, 19:32, More)

» Expensive Mistakes

I went to cambridge university
and my ex better half went to oxford at the time, I wanted to surprize her for christmas and go see her a week early, so I booked a train ticket (65 pounds) and I bought her flowers (20 pounds) and I got some new clothes(80 pounds).

I arrived in oxford at 5pm feeling very excited, walked to her house it was only a mile and my legs were good enough, knocked on her door and I was greeted by a bloke, I thought nothing of it and he left (i thought it was her flatmates bloke), so I sat in the living room, we made small talk and got on well.

later the night we went out, the same guy came up to me in a club , I said "alright mate , hows it going", and this point he smacked me in the face, and told me not to touch "his girlfriend" , basically he broke my nose and stole my girlfriend. I had no money to get back home and no where to sleep. I ended up stealing her bike and riding to reading (which is quite a distance) to see my sister, and borrow the cash to go home.

So i had ruined clothes a broken heart and nose. down £160 pounds and I had stolen a bike and I had riden it 26 miles in 1 night.

I dd get the last laugh, he got her up the duff a year later and she dropped out of university,
he later then cheated on her and gave her a std.

for me well I found a nice girl and I saw my ex at a school friends wedding and gloated at her fat ugly face. I even parked next to her at the reception , her in a ford orion very beat up, my lovely range rover won me a very harsh look.

length 26 miles bitch
(Mon 29th Oct 2007, 18:39, More)

» Stupid Dares

Years ago
I had Just finished sixth form (1999) and it was the last summer, my friends and I had some money we all had crappy jobs at the time (I worked in virgin , which was dull and boring), we all had about 500 pounds. Wondering what we were going to do next year my friend dared us to travel accross europe(infact we travel the world a bit) together. So we had £3500 in the kitty for food a car and sleep arrangements. We got my friends mum to get us condoms as she was a sexual health nurse (we had about 1000). And the adventure began.

We bought a rather horrid toyota rav 4 which had 110k on the clock , faded red paint etc. for all of £450 pounds, plus we got direct line insurance for 45days free, stupid offer in the paper!we extended it by a month, for all of 80 pounds.

We put on the side (with vinyl stickers) startkey and clutch, punerific eh?

we booked a travel crossing on P&o and set off.
We travel through france , sleeping our way through the local girls, daring each other to do crazy things , we slept in the car/ tents in farmers fields, and every week we book a place in a formula 1(very cheap hotel 14 euros a room a night) to have a shower.

We managed to travel through italy into crotia then we had the great idea of going to greece and our car broke down every 250 miles or if we left it standing it ran out of electricity.
then from greece we got a boat to egypt and drove in the desert (which was amazing).
Then we set off to turkey. on another "ferry".

From there we haggled our way into georgia, through bribing the boarder guards. Then we got into russia, we got stopped every so often for the standard $1000 dollars or we will arrest you, we paid them about 10 pounds and got on our way.

I always wanted to see stalin grad so we managed to get there. then we travelled back through poland into germany , then into denmark , lot of jazz ciggys smoked that weekend , then back through holland in belguim then home.
our parents were worried to death and told us off because we lied to them and said we were going to spain or 2 weeks.

The car made it, my friend max who was 21 at the time had the car in his garage for another 3 years until he setup his business as a media and pr company , it now sits with our photos in a sort of shine in the lobby.

length = so many miles , 1 rav 4 and 5 friends.

A dare and a crazy idea that neaerly killed us, but we had loads of fun, and apparently the car passed its mot, could there be a return for startkey and clutch , well maybe...
(Thu 8th Nov 2007, 0:29, More)
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