» Now, there was no need for that...

what's worse than the squirts?
having no feckin' bog roll, that's what - which is exactly what happened to me last night!

Cheapo asda kitchen roll doesn't half chafe
(Thu 16th Jun 2005, 19:37, More)

» Pure Ignorance

overheard on a bus....
......two ned (chav) girls talking about Walking with Dinosaurs, when one of them pipes up, "aye, it was amazin', but how did they manage to film all those dinosuars and not get trampled?"

God how i rued the fact that i'd forgotten my mini-disc player that day...........
(Sun 9th Jan 2005, 23:29, More)

» Pure Ignorance

I used to work for directory enquiries....
.....and I swear if you don't believe that the majority of the British public are thick, spend a day listening to these cretins. I could honestly fill a book with the amount of nuggets i've encountered but this one is my all time fave....

Me - Which name please?
Him - Yeah, i need the number of the Caribbean embassy!
Me - Caller, the Caribbean is an ocean, not a country - it doesn't have an embassy.
Him - Oh......

Priceless! ( I hope i spelt Caribbean properly)
(Sun 9th Jan 2005, 22:41, More)

» Things you've done when you've had no money.

I have known the tightest fucker.....
....who has not necesseraly been short for cash but is such a tight wad it's no true....

I know of a guy who used to, before waiting on his lady friend, would order her a Southern Comfort and orange.......upon asking if she wanted 'fresh ' or 'dilutin', he would reply , " dilutin, fresh is too expensive!'

I went out with the tight cunt previous to that experience, and I was as poor as a church mouse, whereas he worked for the council, the fat gravy-trained bawsack that he was!
(Sun 10th Oct 2004, 3:13, More)

» Scary Neighbours

effing students
live in a tenement block in Glasgow, home owners, next door are two of the stupidest students known to man, renting (hence they couldn't give a fuck about neighbours, noise etc......)

but what annoys me the most (i am 33 this week, by the way, the Meldrew in me is growing) is that they can't tie black bin bags together when taking them to the bin shed outside.....leaving nice trails of tomato soup going down the stairs, pizza boxes strewn all over the bin shed floor....etc etc

i mean what the fuck is that all about?

ALL FUCKING STUDENTS MUST DIE!

(i was never a student)
(Mon 29th Aug 2005, 23:09, More)