b3ta.com user Retow
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» Best Graffiti Ever

My favourite piece of graffiti is in the toilets of a pub called Bonds in a large chav town called Tamworth near Birmingham. In the right hand cubicle scrolled upon a wall in 1 ft high letters is the proclamation of the author "I am the Christ!" to which some drunken bum replied "His not the messiah his a very noughty boy" the next blurb reads "Grammatical errors observed its He's not his and noughty is spelt naughty you silly chav" another branch like some drunken brain storming sessions reads "I’m so sorry dictionary boy" needless to say this kept me entertained for the duration of my urination in a busy toilet.
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 19:40, More)

» Near Death Experiences

African treat
In 2000, aged 16, I spent a few weeks with my dad on an N/S Africa trip doing the usual touristy stuff. The day we arrived home was the pen ultimate day of the school holidays so I promptly went to bed to ready myself for the return.

At around 6:30am I woke up lying on my back drenched in sweat running a high fever I tried to sit up but found I was hardly able to move feeling quasi-paralysed I tried to call out for help but couldn’t vocalise anything but odd whimpers and groans..

Over the next 30 minuets I heard both my parents leave the house and I must admit I became totally monkey scared, that primal survival fear you get, like when you see a huge spider or some such scurry across the floor towards you in your peripheral vision.

Luckily we had a cleaner back then I heard her flutting about downstairs and by now I'd managed to drag myself off the bed on to the floor. I was completely delirious and began doing the only thing I could do to attract her attention bang my head repeatedly on the floor, trust me it made sense at the time, the only thing I could move with any conviction was my head.

It worked she promptly called an ambulance I was hurried away to a local hospital in a containment room with a large air con unit ice and damp towels to try and keep my temp down (it was sky high risking brain damage had I been left).

I don’t recall anything from the first 5 days I spent in the hospital except the lunge punch they did to test my spinal fluid. The night I finally came round I was greeted by a nun sitting at the bottom of my bed smiling at me scared me lots bloody nuns!.
(Sun 28th Nov 2004, 22:26, More)

» Irrational Fears

Petrified of
any body of water I cannot see the bottom of in the sea around England mainly, but I remeber swimming off the coast of Majorca with a few friends right near a sort of drop off as soon as I felt the colder currents rising up around my feet my heart just starts pounding and I HAVE to get out even swimming vainly towards land that was miles away :(
(Thu 29th Jan 2004, 11:22, More)