b3ta.com user cyril spawned a monster
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» Impromptu Games You Play

Gate Bashing
Me and my mates came up with this game one night when drunk on Thunderbird (Red Label, strictly for the hardcore underage drinker). Gate Bashing involved splitting into two teams then going out around the streets and nicking peoples front gates. Though the only way to actually score a point for the gate, was to sneak it into the Laundrette on the High Street. This game went on for about three weeks, each weekend the Laundrette getting filled up with more and more gates. The game had to end when my friend Mark and I, decided to steal a gate the size of an average farm gate, and were caught by the old bill trying to wedge it into the laundrette. Cue two very angry sets of parents AND we even made it to the heady heights of fame, page 9 of the Woodford Guardian.
(Fri 2nd Apr 2004, 9:54, More)

» Old People Talk Bollocks

Too much info
My Nan was in hospital a short while ago with a badly sprained ankle. I decided to take her in some decent grub one lunchtime, when she let rip with one of the loudest grunts I have heard in a long time, then her face changed from mild amusement to slight concern, and she declared at the top of her voice (as she's a bit mutton) "Oh dear, I appear to have blotted my copybook", laugh I nearly shit myself
(Fri 12th Mar 2004, 15:05, More)

» People with Stupid Names

Bloke at school
with the unfortunate moniker of Tommy Blacock
(Fri 27th Aug 2004, 15:14, More)

» Shit Stories

For the Millenium..
Mrs Cyril and I, decided to visit my Aunt and Uncle in Bermuda. Well it was a few days into our visit and I hadn't crimped one off, so I thought eating a load of fruit would help, and help it did. The following morning we were sat in the garden having breakfast when I felt some movement. So I grabbed a copy of the Bermuda Times and dashed to the khazi. What left my arse can only be described as a shit the size and length of a large packet of Sainsburys Value Digestives. So I duly wiped and flushed except the bugger wouldnt flush, no it blocked the system, which then proceeded to back up and overflow, leaving the bathroom floor covered in shit and diluted piss, everywhere. After the initial panic I picked up what solid pieces of turd I could, then grabbed a couple of bath towels to "mop" up with. Mrs Cyril obviously heard me having a good old swear up as she came to investigate, so I opened the door to her, she was nearly sick with the smell as was my aunt who had followed her....haven't been invited back since
(Thu 6th May 2004, 14:21, More)

» Shit Stories

Hiding the shitty pants...
A couple of years ago my department at work were awarded a reward and recognition weekend up in Edinburgh, trainees, workshy gits, managers the lot. Well after being out on the sauce all day, we arrived back at the hotel somewhat the worse for wear. I thought I was about to fart, how wrong I was. Not wishing to put my soiled underwear in the bin, I took them off and tied them in a carrier bag, the intention being to throw them away on the following morning. So I showered and went to bed. The next morning I forgot about the shitty pants and another day was spent on the razz, getting drunk much to the horror of a Manager who was a right cow. Anyway the morning we were departing back for London, I suddenly remembered the offending pants, I opened the cupboard but they had gone.. I asked my room mate Frammers if he'd seen them and he started chuckling and refused to comment. So I let it go. Anyway we were all checking in at the airport, when aforementioned manager went to get her ticket out of her hand luggage to find a shit laden pair of boxer shorts in her bag.....oh how we laughed. To this day she has no idea who did it, a fact that causes me and frammers no end of smugness when we're being berated in a meeting by her.
(Thu 6th May 2004, 14:09, More)
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