» I was drunk when I bought this

Food
Food.

I regularly go out, get hammered drunk, and buy up to twenty quids worth of food from the chipper, which I intend consuming. The sodden greasy bag stares back into my soul every Saturday morning. :-(

Also: Reams of pornography from Tower. The thing that makes it have no point is, all the 'nography is sanitised and cut to hell, but I still buy it.

I don't buy self loathing, but it if it was wrapped in grease or a pair of tits, I probably would.
(Fri 10th Jun 2005, 15:16, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

Mushrooms
They are vegetables, yet they feed off the dead like a hu-man.

And they're the Devil's Cock.
(Thu 15th Jul 2004, 17:58, More)

» Have you ever started a fire?

I set fire to myself
I had a large can of lighter fluid, and not much to do at the time, so as any fule kno, you cna put a little lighter fluid on your hand, light it, and watch it burn off, while leaving your hand unsinged.

Cleverly, though, I thought that while a little lighter fluid might make a little flame, a BIG amount might make a BIG flame. Unimpeachable logic, I feel.

So I poured a load of fluid over my hand, till I could cup it, and set fire to it. For ther first few seconds, everything was cool, until I noticed that my hand was getting hot, which made me jerk my hand a bit. This in turn made the pool of lighter fluid run down my hand and down my arm. This wasn't good at all, as there was now a streak of flame running from my hand to my arm, encasing my hand totally, and partially covered by my jumper. Because I couldn't see my burning arm inth ejumper, I panicked, and started waving my hand around, which started throwing fire around the room. Luckily wiser counsels prevailed and told me to smother the flames with my jumpersleeve, which worked, although hair is reluctant to grow back on the arm now...
(Wed 3rd Mar 2004, 15:02, More)