» Best Graffiti Ever

On a condom machine,
in Glasgow's uber-twee Mono bar/record shop/gig venue:


(Thu 3rd May 2007, 18:31, More)

» Useless Information

Some facts about the 1500s
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of thehouse had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't
throw the baby out with the bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath.
It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This
posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings
could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and
a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy
beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.
Hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would
get slippery in the winter when wet , so they spread thresh (straw) on
floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they adding more
thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A
piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a "thresh
hold."

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that
always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat
the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then
start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.
When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.
It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They
would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and
"chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content
caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of
the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper
crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone
walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for
burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days
and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and
see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake."

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a
"bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out
of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they
realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."
(Fri 18th Mar 2005, 2:46, More)

» Barred

Early Learning Centre, Buchanan St, Glasgow
Apparently the ball pool was for toddlers only. :(
(Thu 31st Aug 2006, 13:53, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Everyone has a spakky mate, don't they?
He's comeout with some class one-liners. The most recent one was "What's your average age when you're ten?" though without a doubt his best revelation was his argument against American universities.

"Any country that has an entire university dedicated to locks deserves to crumble."

After beating him about the chops for a while, we told him that Yale University was a bit more comprehensive in its range of subjects.
(Thu 6th Jan 2005, 23:18, More)

» Picky Eaters

Boring eater, rather than picky
Despite living in a student flat, I eat a fair old variety of food, usually cooking things from scratch which is hugely satisfying and dirt cheap (this week's food bill: £12).

Not my flatmate.

Flatmate's shopping list:
-two microwave chicken kormas
-12 mini sausage rolls
-12 mini scotch eggs
-FOUR tubs of ice cream
-two big bags of Walkers wanky crisps
-one loaf of bread
-one jar of peanut butter

That's it. If he doesn't have enough sausage rolls to constitute a meal, he'll get a takeaway Chinese, always the big chicken nugget things, always the fried rice.

Not only is he putting on incredible amounts of weight, not only does he not get any fruit or vegetables of any kind, not only does he spend more than double than what I do, this list must never change. If Asda are out of the chicken korma double pack, he'll keep going back every day until they're back in stock.

GodDAMNit, I hate him so much.

(Sub-note: I've recently discovered that he's a trans-sexual. He doesn't know that I know yet. When he gets angry, I tell him not to get his knickers in a twist and have to leave the room to stifle giggles. Little moments like that relieve the tedium of living with him.)
(Thu 1st Mar 2007, 14:33, More)