b3ta.com user Modster2k
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28 year old librarian and heavy drinker

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» Near Death Experiences

First Cut is the Deepest
In the summer holidays my brother and I decided to have a sword fight(as you do) when I was about 8 and he was 12.
We each had our weapons, him a bread knife, me a two inch penknife. The time for the duel arrived and we each took five paces away from each other.
My brother being the cad that he was made the first move by brandishing his 'sword' at me and as he did this I panicked and mangaed to stab myself in the neck with my multi-tool missing my jugular vein by about 2mm.
Hence panic, spurting blood and running to a neighbours house claiming that my brother was giving me a piggy back and I fell onto the corner of the table...don't think the neighbour fell for it.

Not so much a near-death experience but for an 8 yr old it was the closest I had got!!!

Did I mention by the way that my brother and I were standing at least 8ft away from each other during the dual and even John Lewis doesn't make 8ft bread knives.
(Fri 26th Nov 2004, 13:08, More)

» How I Skive Off Work

Do I need to pretend?
I work as an online researcher...'nuff said.
(Fri 29th Apr 2005, 14:45, More)

» Mini Cabs From Hell

Not sure who was worse...
My ex-husband and I were in a dodgy minicab driving through Kennington and on our way back to Kent. The car started juddering and the driver pulled over saying that it needed a push to get it started again. Being slightly (well extremely) pissed we decided to do our good citizens bit - leaving all of our possessions in the car. After beginning to push, the car miraculously sped off into the night with my keys, glasses, money, railcard and everything of the hubbie's in there as well. Stuck in Kennington, husband storms off with the hump leaving me to find my way home to Kent, blind as a bat and penniless at 4am. Eventually found a police station who kindly arranged for a BR ticket for me and then when I finally got home had to break into my own house...then the bloke who came to change the locks turned out to be an ex-boyfriend who was revelling in my situation...ahh happy times....any guesses why he is an ex-husband anyone? Oh and I've never used a dodgy cab since - bastards!...I'm not even sure who I'm talking about here. Bitter? I should coco!
(Fri 28th May 2004, 13:51, More)

» Look! It's me in the Local Paper

Once, my cat got shot with an airgun. Dad was so enraged at having to fork out £700 on repairs that he demanded they did an article in the local paper to see if anyone knew anything. Of course, they needed a picture. I didn't realise how many people knew me until I had to pose (one day before having all four wisdom teeth out and looking like Les Dawson) with the cat with a lampshade round her neck...Mind you, the other time I was in the local I was dressed as a UFO so, maybe I get off on it or something.
(Mon 14th Feb 2005, 13:53, More)

» Lost...

Show me the way to go home
I once did a sponsored walk with some friends and it took us 7 hours to find the first checkpoint, we finally found it at 3am (apparently a search party had gone out looking for us as midnight). Does that count?
(Fri 3rd Dec 2004, 11:31, More)
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