b3ta.com user horace
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Profile for horace:
Profile Info:

'Utterly charming' - S.H.
'Gorgeous' - C.Y.
'So funny' - Z.H.
'Taking the piss' a Scotchman in a pub

Tubby, elderly man, bemused by technology but utterly besotted by the enthusiasm of young people.

Quiz though - which Horace am I named after? It'll give you an idea of my vintage.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

My joke:
What's the difference between tarka dal and regular dal?
Tarka's a little 'otter.
(Mon 14th May 2018, 12:40, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

I had a girlfriend...
... who wouldn't eat cream or custard and, sure enough, she wouldn't eat man fat either.
Luckily she loved chocolate.
(Wed 14th Jul 2004, 15:14, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

My mate Stuart hated celery
One day he wouldn't go in the front room because he swore there was celery in there. We're a nice family, we don't have celery in the front room, but to humour him we searched the place. It turned out someone had been eating the stuff in there and had left two bits of celery string in the bin.
Stuart's a lot like Casper Hauser in that respect.

Now back to lurking.
(Wed 14th Jul 2004, 16:06, More)

» Annoying words and phrases

Cheers started it.
"Can I get a skinny latte?"
No, you can have one. You can't get one. Not in this country.

EDIT: Holy crap! My post, right next to someone else posting the zak same thing!
(Fri 9th Apr 2010, 15:54, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

never met him
I arrived at my new school in Cornwall just too late to witness this man in action, because he'd been sacked. And here's why:

He was a drunk, which is not enough to get you sacked in Cornwall, and he was a bully, picking on one boy in particular. But that still wasn't enough to get him sacked.

Then one day all the kids in his class decided to turn their desks round so they faced away from the teacher's desk. Except the bullied boy, who didn't dare, and left his desk facing front.

So the drunk teacher walks into the class and sees this one child - his favourite victim - facing the opposite way to everyone else. He flies into a rage and, rather than sending the boy to the headmaster or giving him detention, orders him to jump out the window, which is two floors up.

All the other kids in the class try to point out his error, but he won't be swayed, so the boy edges over to the window, pulls back the blind, and stands behind it, hiding there for the rest of the lesson while the teacher carries on educating the youth of Britain.

Then they sacked him.
(Tue 15th Nov 2005, 16:22, More)
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