b3ta.com user lastingdamage
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» People with Stupid Names

Worked with a guy
Called Chris Peacock. I had his login name changed to chrispycock. Of how we laughed until I remembered he was the sales manager and I worked for him. Cunt sacked me.

Also got a mate called Mike Cox (say it quickly after many vodkas) we call him FatBoy tho.
(Thu 26th Aug 2004, 12:19, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

School Puddings
fuck me forgot about this whole new food group, if you can call it that.

Semolina - watered down insides of smashed up stag beetle. You gotta smash a stag beetle, not those buzzy maybug things, the black-evil-looking-flying-death-bombers-with-big-claws and teeth that fly like bricks don’t. Then pour on a bit of water and stir the white stuff around. That for me is semolina.

Rice Pudding. Smashed, watered down, stag beetle with the bits stirred back in with a stick. And that menstrual dribble of sauce they pour on....oh god no.

Spotted dick - bathroom sponge with smashed up stag beetle bits.

Butterscotch tart - christ what are they thinking. Gritty fucking mud covering slightly damp cardboard.

Anything with a liquid that could form a scum...or what they called *skin*. Thats not fucking skin, its coloured pond scum.

All the variations of crumble..rhubarb , apricot , last weeks left over desert crumble, mystery crumble.
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 20:12, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

least fav sweet
You know those selection boxes of chocolates?

Right, throw away the instructions, then play Russian chocolate roulette ..nasty game someone always get hurt. During one game I discovered the evil horror of crystallised ginger covered in dark chocolate.


nuf said.
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 19:54, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

where's my list
As an unsuspecting child I was fed brawn. For those who've never met this stuff, its the brain of a sheep, boiled for a life time and smelling of ...... Have to leave that one there. Oh yeah, nowdays of course we have CJD, and the sheep version of BSE is called Scrapie or something . Oh well I will just have to wait and see which gets me first, the heart attack from the health scare or my slow painful brain filling with holes type of death while dribbling like an imbecile . . cheers mum n dad.

Next on the childhood horrors list.. ready for it ? ...tripe, again boiled to death with potatoes. I remember vividly the moment I stepped through the front door of the house and the smell of boiled pigs guts assailed me, followed instantly by the burning sensation of bile as it forced its way up from my stomach and through my nostrils thankfully clearing the smell, although I would have happily turned around and left the room given the chance. . Ugh, instant vomit.

Thinking about it, my mum had a major pig thing going on at one point, Christ, I’ve seen pigs trotters being singed over the gas hob to burn the hair off prior to again being boiled to mrs beatons age old recipe; an hour of boiling for every year of life or something. Just the look of trotters in butchers or Chinese supermarkets gets me glancing around for something to unload into.

I also recall opening the pot one day tempted by an interesting bacon smell . After the vast bacon clouds of steam had cleared I was confronted by an entire pigs head bobbing about in the boiling water, complete with partially detached floating eye ball. Strangely that one didn’t make me upchuck. I fished the eye ball out wrapped it in my hanky and took it took school next day. Got confiscated in the first lesson (barely lasted an hour it was that much fun) teacher stuck it in her draw without looking at it and forgot about it. Until about three days later when it really started minging.
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 19:46, More)

» Have you ever been dumped in a spectacular way?

Cleared her out
Missus of 8 yrs tells me she has met some builder (hhmmm business manager Vs Builder definately an improvement for her!) for the last six months I've been secretely stashing cash away to dump her, move out and be reborn in a new town.

Next day she's at work, thinking I'm at work and preparing for the breakup discussion that evening... meanwhile ..... me and the boys are loading up two 3 ton trucks with the entire contents of her rented house. She came home to a totally stripped house (we even took the light switches and fittings).

Me dissappeared off the face of the earth, changed fone numbers, moved to a new town etc. etc. still laff like a drain about it even now.

That'll teach you beatch, to dump me before I dump you.. ha ha!
(Fri 18th Jun 2004, 13:52, More)
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