» Customers from Hell

Technician
I use to work as head of tech for an independent computer shop. all the time we would get customers coming in to buy parts for their computer (obviously being a computer shop and all that) now, most of these people who don't know what they're talking about are honest enough to say "I don't know what i'm talking about" and happily pay the £25 it was for me to build their 5/6/£700+ system for them. But, of course.. You would get the occasional muppet who knows the meaning of the universe and how god created man in his own image etc etc. queue one occasion, said smug smart arse "blah blah im the king of the world, blah blah adam and eve.. blah blah i know what i'm doing" you can always tell the people who know what their talking about and the ones who are frankly talking shit. So I said to this guy, (who in the act of buying a powerful gaming system from scratch, all the components etc etc.) "I can put that together for you for £25, it means you'll know that its done right and of course the work will be warrantied". "42" said smug smart arse and off he trotted...

Next day he comes in "this is faulty, i want a refund", "just one second" says I, and opened his case up on the counter in front of him, now the motherboard is in diagonally, and yet.. this isn't the worst of it. he had used the *feet* from the case, as risers and folded kitchen roll as insulation to protect the underside of the board from shorting out on the metal case. the board was bent like a banana and clearly fucked. meaning that said knob jockey had not only blown his board, but voided the warranty on every component in his case. A second £140 motherboard & £25 installation fee later. I build this gentlemans computer for him. properly.
(Thu 4th Sep 2008, 17:30, More)

» * PFFT *

Assembly
In my Primary school, every morning we had assembly in our main hall.. there was about 400 children all sitting cross legged whilst the head master rambled on about something we really didnt care about. one day, when i was about 6 or 7 one made a break for freedom. this one happened to be one of those long, high pitched squealy type ones that of course was amplifed by my arse being on the floor and echod around the hall. queue 399 kids pointing and laughing at me in hysterics.

I handled it beutifully by pretending it wasn't me whilst simultaneously going bright red.
(Tue 17th Jul 2007, 19:40, More)

» I witnessed a crime

riots
A few years back, there was a protest that errupted in my mums estate. A fairly common occurance, happened usually once a year. normally the protests involved a group of angry women staring out a group of cops in full riot gear comparing trunceons. anyway, this year it kicked off BIG STYLE. burning cars, petrol bombs, guns, raids. not the first time i'd witness such an event. But certainly the worst for several years.
There was this one kid, best described as bull fighting a police landrover - with a gas cannister. he would lift cannister above his head chuck it at the landrovers front windscreen and dodge round the side of it before it ran him over. he repeated this 6 maybe 7 times before fleeing, in front of maybe 100 people. but this isn't even the worst of it. obviously, being from the estate "the lads" know who i am and although i take no part in their goings on. i could walk freely amongst their ranks. so heres me, not long back from a sabatical on the mainland. slap bang in the middle of a riot that kicking off, camera phone at the ready taking pics like a japanese tourist. i went down one entry and round to behind the police to get a good view of what they were doing before getting bored and heading back up an entry. to see a group of masked men getting ready to assault. one of these men was loading a fucking crossbow! I was told on no uncertain terms to fuck off, and rightly made a hasty retreat. I circled back to the other side of the road to see this guy back to wall, ready to pop out and take a shot at the cops, to which he wasted little time in doing. Of course this is serious shit. so my sensible side kicked in and i made a quick retreat to a safe distance. a short time later there was a gun shot.. The guy with the crossbow had been disabled by the police sniper several streets away from their position. I arrived to see him being bundled into an ambulance and whisked off to hospital with an armed police guard.


Bullfight
Police show of strength
seems my ISP thinks you're all too greedy :P
(Thu 14th Feb 2008, 15:11, More)

» Amazing displays of ignorance

fire escape
in college everyone used to always use the side fire escape as the entrance/exit as it was closer to the main gate to leave campus. one day this was majorly choked due to loads of people trying to travel both directions through one door out of a double door. cue me taking one look at this pile up and openening up the second door. clearing the blockage
(Thu 18th Mar 2010, 17:03, More)

» Tales of the Unexplained

Unidentified Flying Cloud
Many years ago, a mate and I were sitting in a field in the middle of nowhere getting stoned for no reason other than we were kids with fuck all else to do. picture the sky, some clouds, not a huge ammount. but enough. slowly floating from left to right. we didnt notice where it came from, but we both noticed it together, this odd cloud, floating from right to left and moving considerably faster than all the other clouds, it was apparantly weaving in and out of other clouds, able to change direction almost at will. after a few minutes it "parked" up beside one of the normal clouds and what looked like a probe or robotic arm seemed to protrude from this cloud, first moving out from the cloud, then moving accross towards the other cloud. yet this arm was made out of cloud. it appeared to couple with the normal cloud for a while, before retracting back into the uber-cloud. once this was completed, said cloud then headed off back to whereever it came from, again moving considerably faster than all of the other clouds and disappearing off into the horizon.

we both saw it and we both described it in exactly the same way.
(Sat 5th Jul 2008, 4:50, More)