» My Christmas Nightmare

well...
when I was much younger, I seemed to be a bit of a pest.

my Older cousin and uncle would kindly take it upon themsleves to teach me some manners, and gently did so with the warmest intentions by shoving me into the garbage dumpster.

This was finally stopped by my mother who came outside completly shocked an appalled.

And on a lighter note, my uncle was given a ginat stuffed dog by his mother, which was worht about a hundred U.S. dollars. As at the time he was a bit short on money, he continued the evening by endearlingly referring to the new "pet" as 'Shitface.'

As a young boy, this new word was entirly a whole new world to me, and I continued to call many a thing 'Shitface.' Both at the home, outisde the home, and at the wonderful learning environment called school.
(Fri 24th Dec 2004, 6:10, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

Ahhh and anotherrrr....
A friend of mine, who is a tad bit big. Not fat, just a humongous guy with slightly large... breasts. Somone that can easily put you into a swooning, swimming, swirling wide world of painful feelings. But with large breasts.

After one day of football his sister comes to pick him up, and shes got an itty bitty waste and vacuous bossom. And of this, I had to comment about.

Tactfully whispering to a friend, "I guess big boobs run in the family, eh?"

And of course, for a foot-in-mouth story to be pertinent to the subject... He heard me. And beat my arse 'till I was covered in more bruises than I get from Paintball. But it was most definatly worth it.
(Wed 21st Apr 2004, 1:48, More)

» Useless Information

Those crazy amish
are actually evolving a 6th toe/finger (cant remember which) becuase the massive amount of inter-marraige between them and no outsiders.

When an Amish super-human is bread I will happily cower in a corner and let him romp accross the globe.
(Thu 17th Mar 2005, 23:12, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

An old bit at school...
Well, after throughly abusing a girl who had come down a tad bit hard on me, I was talking to a younger friend of mine, explaining the rampage of rape and pillaging of that poor girls shirt as me and a friend attempted to pick her up. Failing to do so (Where where you when I needed you! Damn you muscles!!) we dragged a couple feet. Feeling our hearts fail us, we used the tactful Shake Of The Fist, kick her shoe, and quickly run away; or in our case... stagger upon each-others shoulders from the exertment.

Now... back to the recalling part. Reminiscing our fun and games (all in the name of rape) I told my young friend, "Ahh yes, I remeber that hoe. She wouldn't shut the fuck up whilst I was raping her. She screamed so loud even the teachers could her her upstairs. Luckily I had my chloroform."

And of course, the Dean happended to be over at this particular area (it's a haven for... socially challegned like myself... and the Dean's the biggest jock... but of course the tennis courts are past that aways, so he might have an excuse.) He leans over my shoulder, and calmly says, "Rape her did you Mr. Erdman? Well, we'll talk about this in my office."

Now if this was some trendy movie where the Dean is a 30-odd-year-old lady with long legs and a full chest, this wouldn't happen to be a problem. But, maybe supposing how the Dean is an old, 60 year old, smelly, balding, white haired man, I dreaded being in his office for any sorts of long periods of time. Luckily, he forgot, and I got off scotch free. Good for me because I'd happen to have skipped religion class the other day, and he was a little preturbed. But for the life of me I cannot figure out why.
(Wed 21st Apr 2004, 1:24, More)