Profile for Monkey Bastard Hands:
Hello! My name is Phil and I like things that are nice.
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- a member for 20 years, 2 months and 2 days
- has posted 31 messages on the main board
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- has posted 3 stories and 2 replies on question of the week
- They liked 1 pictures, 0 links, 0 talk posts, and 3 qotw answers.
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Hello! My name is Phil and I like things that are nice.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Office Christmas Parties
Not my christmas party...
I was in a pub (The City Flogger near Fenchurch Street, for you City workers) the other day having a drink with my dad. All of a sudden there appeared a rowdy lot, all in high spirits as the boss was taking them out for christmas drinks! Imagine their disappointment when the boss went to the bar and said "1 bottle of red, 1 bottle of white and 16 glasses please".
Me and my dad creased up and carried on drinking our Bishops Finger.
(Fri 17th Dec 2004, 13:52, More)
Not my christmas party...
I was in a pub (The City Flogger near Fenchurch Street, for you City workers) the other day having a drink with my dad. All of a sudden there appeared a rowdy lot, all in high spirits as the boss was taking them out for christmas drinks! Imagine their disappointment when the boss went to the bar and said "1 bottle of red, 1 bottle of white and 16 glasses please".
Me and my dad creased up and carried on drinking our Bishops Finger.
(Fri 17th Dec 2004, 13:52, More)
» My Worst Vomit
out of both ends
It was about 4 months ago, and I had just enjoyed a wonderful days white water rafting, during which our boat capsized and I swallowed a couple of mouthfulls of river water. I felt fine for the rest of the day and the day after, until the following night when I decided to drive home (I was staying at a friends at the time) as I felt a bit iffy. I had a shit when I got in (which was pretty much 100% water) and then went to bed hoping a good nights kip would sort me out good and proper.
However I woke up at about 4:00 am feeling less than peachy, proceeded to chuck up the Subway baguette i'd had for tea the night before all over the (new) carpet and raced to the bog, where I chundered for about 5 minutes. However I had forgotten I had a case of the shits too, and when I had a large spew, a considerable amount of shit came out at the same time, staining my pants and stinking out the entire bathroom. For the next 20 minutes I sat on the bog, bucket in hand, shitting water every time I was being sick.
Great times!
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 2:02, More)
out of both ends
It was about 4 months ago, and I had just enjoyed a wonderful days white water rafting, during which our boat capsized and I swallowed a couple of mouthfulls of river water. I felt fine for the rest of the day and the day after, until the following night when I decided to drive home (I was staying at a friends at the time) as I felt a bit iffy. I had a shit when I got in (which was pretty much 100% water) and then went to bed hoping a good nights kip would sort me out good and proper.
However I woke up at about 4:00 am feeling less than peachy, proceeded to chuck up the Subway baguette i'd had for tea the night before all over the (new) carpet and raced to the bog, where I chundered for about 5 minutes. However I had forgotten I had a case of the shits too, and when I had a large spew, a considerable amount of shit came out at the same time, staining my pants and stinking out the entire bathroom. For the next 20 minutes I sat on the bog, bucket in hand, shitting water every time I was being sick.
Great times!
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 2:02, More)