b3ta.com user donksta
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» Injured Siblings

I once persuaded my brother to hold a knife between the gas cooker hob and the spark mechanism jobby while I pressed the button. The shock made him throw the knife into the ceiling so hard peices of plaster rained down. I've never laughed so hard.
(Sun 21st Aug 2005, 12:39, More)

» Now, there was no need for that...

I bruised my rib last year by falling on a mate's knee during a viscious struggle (he was trying to steal my shoe). It was a bit sore, but nothing spectacular until about a week later when a particulaly intrasient turd caused a bit of excess straining. Something popped and intese pain and quite a lot of breathlessness convinced me it was probably time to take a little trip to casualty. Not only did I have to explain exactly how i had injured myself to a pretty young A&E doctor but it turned out i had both broken my rib and punctured a lung. By shitting too hard. I'm a minor medical marvel.

EDIT: that's not really on topic is it. Sod it, it's a good story.
(Fri 17th Jun 2005, 16:27, More)

» Weird Traditions

Medical school
We have the oldest medical school society in the country at Liverpool and tradition is basically the whole point.
For example,
The secretary has to read the minutes from the last meeting inaudibly, wearing a charity shop dress while everyone hollers "garter" at her (this one leaves me feeling dirty).
If the treasurer speaks he (and it is always a he) has to wear a specially stolen 1st world war helmet and the audience is obliged to bombard him with lose change at a rate that would be pretty hazerdous without the protective head gear.
Ladies with particulaly high voices wishing to make a point at the meetings generally shouldn't cos the whole crowd will sing "mee mee mee mee mee" at an equivelent pitch.
The president is contractually obliged to get naked in front of several hundred people at the initiation party as part of a nicely choreographed full monty routine (which explains why presidents are rarely shrinking violets)
...Oh and countless other amusing mysogynist shenanigans which have all been going on since time began.
(Thu 28th Jul 2005, 22:04, More)

» The Police

French fuck ups
In Paris Gare du Nord station with my dad aged about 12 and there was a bomb scare so loads of policemen and bomb disposal chaps turn up. They don't evacuate the station though, cos it is only a leetle bum, instead they just move everyone back 30 yards or so. Out comes one of those cool bomb busting robot things which trundles over to the suspect package (a plastic carrier bag) picks it up with its jonney 5 style pincers... and drops it. I have never seen so many people wince at the same time.

Luckily it was only a plastic carrier bag, dangerous only to otters and small children. But still.
(Sun 25th Sep 2005, 1:34, More)

» Useless Information

There are three league football teams with swear words in their name: Arsenal, Scunthorpe and Fucking Manchester United. Ahaha. True. Google it if you don't believe me.
(Tue 22nd Mar 2005, 0:00, More)
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