» Have you ever started a fire?

Fire... obviously
When I was of student age, 16ish, myself and my girlfriend of the time decided we'd nip home do what any people of opposing genders are want to do during college lunchtimes.
Smoke pot.
We were happily tugging our way through our second joint in her bedroom and decided that we'd pop down to the kitchen for a cuppa.
After the requisite five minutes it takes to mke a decent cup of tea we went back up the stairs for some more smoke (I don't smoke anymore so I'm not really doing this to look big or anything. Ok? k.). I was slightly in front of her and I rounded the corner to her room first, by a good thirty seconds or so. Now, I've been accused by some as being the owner of a 'dry' sense of humour but I don't think even I was prepared for what happened.
I stood in the doorway, took a sip from my tea and slowly turned my head to face my girlfriend.
"Fire" I intoned calmly. "Fire".
"Yeah right, sure there's a fire in my room. Whatever."
"Fire" I repeated.
As she pushed past me the full scale of the inferno I was informing her about became apparant. The curtains had already gone up and were doing a good job of trying to ignite the ceiling via the curtain pole. The bed was starting to join the party too.
She made a mad leap for the bed and at this point I decided to help. Putting my tea down for later, I leapt to her aid (gallant aren't I?) and with the assistence of a sink plunger (no I didn't know why she had one in her room either. Then again, sixteen year old boys don't generally tend to know the workings of the other half of the species, so if if it really is plungers that make them work, then remember you heard it here first.) we managed to beat out the worst of the blaze on the bed and threw the rest out of the window, setting fire to next doors shed in the process.
Obviously we did rather a lot of damage, but her parents were rather liberal and we got off very lightly. Still; candles in the bedroom are a bad idea and it doesn't matter how much your other half may try and convince you otherwise you should heed the advice contained in the tale you have just read. Always keep a plunger next to your bed.
(Wed 3rd Mar 2004, 19:11, More)

» Inventions You're Too Lazy To Make

Miniature pets
Not like gerbils and other such tomfoolery, but miniaturised elephants, giraffes, hippos etc.
All easily attainable through selective breeding rather than have to go through all that genetic engineering malarky, safer too.
Also has the added bonus of preserving the genetic information of the species in case of extinction in the wild.
Longevity. No more upset kids when fluffy goes to the petshop in the sky, with your mini-jumbo it lasts as long as they do (barring accidents for either party).
Come on you heartless swines, lobby for miniature megafauna today, you know you want a mini elephant as much as I do.
(Thu 8th Apr 2004, 16:10, More)