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- a member for 20 years, 1 month and 19 days
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- has posted 14 stories and 1 replies on question of the week
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» Little Victories
Drugs? No officer.
I'm 19. I have long hair. I am flouncing down the street in Kingston Upon Thames. It is 1992. I have a cold. I blow my nose and put the snotty hanky in my pocket just as i turn a corner. A police van full of Met coppers are watching me. As i pass the van, one says, "Oi! Hippy..What did you just put in your pocket?". "A snotrag" i reply. "Empty your pockets" says he. I do. I hand him my very full snotrag. He opens it up , obviously hoping to find a kilo of cocaine. It's all my green snot. He tries to hand it me back. I say, "I don't want it" and walk off. All his copper mates are howling at him as he's left with a handful of my warm wet bogeyjuice. My finest hour.
(Fri 11th Feb 2011, 0:30, More)
Drugs? No officer.
I'm 19. I have long hair. I am flouncing down the street in Kingston Upon Thames. It is 1992. I have a cold. I blow my nose and put the snotty hanky in my pocket just as i turn a corner. A police van full of Met coppers are watching me. As i pass the van, one says, "Oi! Hippy..What did you just put in your pocket?". "A snotrag" i reply. "Empty your pockets" says he. I do. I hand him my very full snotrag. He opens it up , obviously hoping to find a kilo of cocaine. It's all my green snot. He tries to hand it me back. I say, "I don't want it" and walk off. All his copper mates are howling at him as he's left with a handful of my warm wet bogeyjuice. My finest hour.
(Fri 11th Feb 2011, 0:30, More)
» Oldies vs Computers
Dumb Polish punter
I don't think that he was dumb because he was Polish, but he WAS dumb. I was answering a call at our other site, a good 20 minute walk away. I was going there because i'd received this call. "Hello, my mouse is the wrong way round, can you fix it". Now, rather than try and talk the punter through the hideous complexities of changing the right and left click order of his mouse in the control panel i thought i'd go and do it for him. I arrived and began to fix the problem, but was dismayed to see that the left and right clicks were in their normal place. I asked the punter about this and he said.."Oh no, the clicks are fine...but look the mouse is on the wrong side.". The mouse was on the left hand side of his keyboard and he wanted it on the right. I picked it up and put it on the other side. He said "Thank You". I stared dumbfounded. He was using a laptop too. What kind of pillock do you have to be to call IT to move your mouse from one side of your laptop to the other? I left the helpdesk that week and have never been back.
(Fri 22nd Sep 2006, 17:19, More)
Dumb Polish punter
I don't think that he was dumb because he was Polish, but he WAS dumb. I was answering a call at our other site, a good 20 minute walk away. I was going there because i'd received this call. "Hello, my mouse is the wrong way round, can you fix it". Now, rather than try and talk the punter through the hideous complexities of changing the right and left click order of his mouse in the control panel i thought i'd go and do it for him. I arrived and began to fix the problem, but was dismayed to see that the left and right clicks were in their normal place. I asked the punter about this and he said.."Oh no, the clicks are fine...but look the mouse is on the wrong side.". The mouse was on the left hand side of his keyboard and he wanted it on the right. I picked it up and put it on the other side. He said "Thank You". I stared dumbfounded. He was using a laptop too. What kind of pillock do you have to be to call IT to move your mouse from one side of your laptop to the other? I left the helpdesk that week and have never been back.
(Fri 22nd Sep 2006, 17:19, More)
» Spoilt Brats
Not really spoilt as such....
but she was definitely too posh for her own good. The first conversation i had with a female at university went like this.
Me: "I grew up on an estate"
Her: "Oh really? Whose?"
(Mon 13th Oct 2008, 18:04, More)
Not really spoilt as such....
but she was definitely too posh for her own good. The first conversation i had with a female at university went like this.
Me: "I grew up on an estate"
Her: "Oh really? Whose?"
(Mon 13th Oct 2008, 18:04, More)
» Terrible Parenting
Tesco - Hastings
I once saw a woman casually watching her 4 or 5yr old son do a shit next to a pallette of sugar in Tesco in Hastings. I have not been back to Hastings since. Or Tesco.
(Fri 17th Aug 2007, 12:16, More)
Tesco - Hastings
I once saw a woman casually watching her 4 or 5yr old son do a shit next to a pallette of sugar in Tesco in Hastings. I have not been back to Hastings since. Or Tesco.
(Fri 17th Aug 2007, 12:16, More)
» My Worst Date
Not really a date as such...
Me and my girlfriend would often go to each other's homes after school, to take advantage of the magic hour between school kicking out and either of our parents getting home from work. Plenty of frotting gave way, over time, to heavier petting until finally, one day i was lying prone on the bed in her spare room, while my girlfriend enthusiastically gobbed me off. The next bit seemed to happen in slow motion. The door swung open silently and i found myself looking straight into the eyes of her father. He looked at me , looked at his busy daughter, looked at me again and then quietly closed the door again.
He never mentioned it to me and (to my credit) i never mentioned it to his daughter. By Christ she deserved to be told though, the three-timing little bitch.
(Mon 25th Oct 2004, 15:11, More)
Not really a date as such...
Me and my girlfriend would often go to each other's homes after school, to take advantage of the magic hour between school kicking out and either of our parents getting home from work. Plenty of frotting gave way, over time, to heavier petting until finally, one day i was lying prone on the bed in her spare room, while my girlfriend enthusiastically gobbed me off. The next bit seemed to happen in slow motion. The door swung open silently and i found myself looking straight into the eyes of her father. He looked at me , looked at his busy daughter, looked at me again and then quietly closed the door again.
He never mentioned it to me and (to my credit) i never mentioned it to his daughter. By Christ she deserved to be told though, the three-timing little bitch.
(Mon 25th Oct 2004, 15:11, More)