b3ta.com user speedyballbangpots
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for speedyballbangpots:
Profile Info:

I'm old. I read a lot. I have a PhD.


Keep missing my b3ta birthday too.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Stuff You've Overheard

Overheard at the tower of London
On a guided tour a young American lady mentions to her partner "Gee this looks old enough to be pre-war"

The tour guide pipes up "Madam, the whole tower is pre-America"

Cue stifeled giggles from the others on the tour party.
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 10:27, More)

» Thrown away: The stuff you loved and lost.

A stuffed toy dog, my dog fucked it.
I'd had this stuffed toy dog since I before I could crawl. In my time I'd probably drooled on it, puked on it, pissed on it, spilt food all over, the usual for a favourite stuffed toy. Every time it went into the wash and came out good as new.

Fast forward many years and I'm having a clear out. The toy[1] is put on the floor while I hunt for something else. I turn back a few seconds later to see Pointless[2] has mounted it and is shagging away for all he is worth.

Protests that he was literally raping my childhood fell on deaf dog-ears until the inevitable happened.

Regardless of the spills and stains that the toy has suffered and been cleansed from before, I could not find it in me to keep or clean the dog-spunk covered toy.

Twenty-odd years of history dumped in the bin because of thirty seconds of animal passion.

Bloody Pointless.

[1] Yeah, I'd kept it until well into my 20s. It just got shoved to the back of the wardrobe.

[2] My dog is called Pointless because he is in truth a soppy pointless animal.
(Thu 14th Aug 2008, 17:18, More)

» Little Victories

I just won a 10p bet with a co-worker on the date Mubarak would leave office.

That's pretty small, all things considered.
(Fri 11th Feb 2011, 17:08, More)

» Unusual talents

I can do this...
Not as painful as it looks...

Discovered one day when I was very very bored.
(Thu 18th Nov 2010, 14:50, More)

» Old stuff I still know

I'm an expert at the long lost art of cutting yourself while shaving.

Despite the best, most valiant efforts of Mr Wilkinson-Bic-Gillette-Swords with their near infinity of blades each designed to gracefully round every curve and crag of your face while leaving it smoother than atomically flat silicon all while floating on a layer of lubricants and unguents guaranteed to offer less friction than a chipolata thrown down a universe, I end up looking like a lucky escapee from a slasher film with half a toilet roll stuck to what's left of my face.
(Wed 6th Jul 2011, 13:17, More)
[read all their answers]