» My Worst Vomit

Beware of DJ's Bearing Gifts
Was in a club in Newcastle a couple of months back, for whatever reason there was a curry eating competion going on that night. So anyway as soon as the DJ announces it I scramble through the crowds to the stage.

"Me! Me! Pick Me!"

There I was on stage facing off against some geordie.. eating this curry. At first it was quite nice then it started to burn. So we both finished the curry (he won) and the DJ began dishing the leftovers to the crown.

In the midst of this I was making a mad dash to the toilets, elbowing people out the way and desperately trying to breath in cool air. Spent the next 15 minutes wretching into the sink, trying to get the evil demon out. I was also joined by about 3 others who had decided to tasted the leftovers.

I spent the rest of the night in a curry-enduced trance, then a coma-like state on the way home as it burnt my innards. If that wasn't bad enough the next morning was hell.

The thing about curry is that it burns both on the way in... and the way out... so I get out of bed and rush to the bathroom. A highly flamable gas starts coming out of my arse, and after a while shit starts squirting out... the burning was unbearable...

About 5 minutes in it became clear that the curry was also trying to escape up my throat, so not wanting to spray shit everywhere resigned myself to covering my bathroom wall with brown puke/curry. I'm not sure if it was the ahllucinations but I could have swore it was melting the wall like the acid from the alien films...

Moral of the story... beware of DJ's offering food/drink in nightclubs.
(Sun 22nd Aug 2004, 0:07, More)