b3ta.com user Prof. Piehead
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» Ripped Off

Clock this
Back in the days when car speedometers had dials not digital displays, as a friend opened the back of one to *ahem* adjust it, a small handwritten piece of paper fluttered out which read "Oh no, not again!"
(Wed 21st Feb 2007, 9:51, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Birmingham's finest graffiti
Edgbaston Abortion Clinic - you rape 'em, we scrape 'em.
(Fri 4th May 2007, 11:21, More)

» What nonsense did you believe in as a kid?

Sleeping together and vibrating members
My best guess at how the birds and bees thing worked was that the key was sleeping together. When you are asleep in a bed with a woman, the sperm comes out of your penis and sneaks across the bed and up the fanny and into the womb. So if you don't want a baby don't get into bed with a woman - or make sure you don't fall asleep.

I also had a friend who put his limited knowledge of the reproductive process together with the fact that women could use a vibrator for fun if no man was handy, and decided that a 'proper' hard-on must therefore vibrate. He reckoned his did. I got quite spooked for a while that my stiffies didn't.
(Fri 20th Jan 2012, 10:57, More)

» Picky Eaters

What's up doc?
I know a guy who doesn't eat carrots because "they are an unnatural colour".
(Thu 1st Mar 2007, 14:16, More)

» Shit Stories

No toilet in time
The scene, waiting at Santorini harbour while island hopping in Greece with mates, all with slightly dicky stomaches, when one mate said "Need the bog!" and ran off round the corner.

Five minutes later, he reappeared but completely soaked all the way up to his armpits. He said he didn't make it to the toilet in time, shat himself, so had to jump into the harbour to spare embarrassment / clean up. The locals, not realising he'd shat himself, just thought he was plain mad, especially when he nonchalantly got out as though his behaviour was completely normal.
(Fri 7th May 2004, 15:21, More)
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