» My Worst Date

oh... bumbletrumps
A couple of years ago I'd managed to snag myself my first boyfriend and was quite pleased with myself. One night, while at his house, parents out and all, we were kissing as couples of our tender age often do. He slides his hand to my 'feminine place' or 'front bum', if you will. I stop him and say 'no', because I was experiencing the monthly joys of period..ism. However, he didn't seem to quite snag this concept and proceeded to cry. Yes indeedy.. How he cried. I explained that I was on and that was the reason, but he insisted I was lying and making excuses. I denied this again, so he asked to see evidence.

Taxi!
(Tue 26th Oct 2004, 17:08, More)

» Out of my depth

Youre not a real aeroplane.
After a good old fashioned giggy night at the Adelphi club my chums and I decided to mosy off around the town and go for a couple of drinks. If I'd have known what was going to happen, I would have gone home then. Anyway, we stop off at one decidedly manky looking pub for a pint or so. My friend (lets call him Tim)offers to buy me a pint if I can drink a pint of vodka+coke in under 5 minutes. Naturally, I accept and down it in about 3 feeling like quite the little animal. I could have just said 'ok, sod off im pissed' but i instead insisted on continuing in my drinky blury quest. 'PISH POSH', you might think, '2 pints of alcohol..PEH!'. But consider I hadnt eaten all day, nor do I drink very often. To me this is like coccaine. However, barely feeling the effects at this point, I enjoy my FREE pint. He's mildly impressed and offers to buy me another if I can take 4 shots of tequilla as well. Everything after this point was a blur of socks and money. Long story short, I woke up on my doorstep the next morning shoeless in a puddle of vomit and blood and with sharp pains in my my foot and notice theres a big cock off shard of glass wedged in my heel. I don't remember any of this but APPARANTLY i'd given my shoes to a homeless man and then stood on a broken bottle. I then insisted that i wasn't carried and instead dragged myself home on an unfolded pizza box and laid in my semi-innebriated state against my door. The only thing worse than having an evil hangover is suffering one while waiting 3 hours in A+E on a tiny plastic/rubber foam chair with a dozen 8 year old cunts bombing around pretending to be aeroplanes.
(Fri 15th Oct 2004, 17:53, More)

» Things you've done when you've had no money.

How many times can I fall off a roundabout without being sick after consuming a whole watermelon?
6 and 3 stitches. Gained £60.
(Mon 11th Oct 2004, 17:32, More)

» Obscure Memorabilia

why wouldnt anybody want
£3 worth of tiny knitted helmets as worn by one of the clangers. I know I do. AND i have 3 of them, thankyou blue peter. Thankyou, so very very much.
(Fri 5th Nov 2004, 17:15, More)

» Obscure Memorabilia

ah i almost forgot
my lovely rammadan calender from 1997. Each day had a question, an answer and a delicious chocolately treat. One of the days' questions was 'Have you prayed today?' and the answer was 'VERY GOOD!'.

Ich finde Ham fantastich wiel es voller chemie ist....yes...what?
(Fri 5th Nov 2004, 17:29, More)