» When animals attack...

planet of the.....
so there i was, four years old (and not very worldly-wise), at cape point, south africa.
Its famous for the families of baboons that hang around eating anything thats given to them, and nickign anything that aint.
i was eating crisps, and the big male babboon decided he had a penchant for salt and vinegar...
3 seconds later and he was eating crisps, having leapt on me (and a full-grown male baboon is about as large as a 4 year old, if not bigger) and nicked them...
still, i got revenge by doing experiments on his relatives years later...
(Tue 7th Jun 2005, 13:10, More)

» Overheard secrets

Surely I'm not the only one...
to have overheard this exchange?

"No, I am your father."
"No...no... that's not true... that's impossible."
"Search your feelings, you know it to be true"
(Sat 27th Aug 2011, 21:46, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

i remember it well....
well... thru a sorta grey haze of ganja smoke actually...
there we all were- 6 or 7 of us, very high, when my mate jason grabs some silly putty that was lying around... bright orange it was. and proceeds to mould himself a prosthetic nose- a look topped off by dark glasses and baseball cap- thoroughly fucking stupid i can tell u. so we're all having a right giggle, when jase says- "wouldn't it be funny if your mum came in?".... and lo and behold....
there was a a millisecond pause before all 7 of us totally lost it, with my mum stood at the door looking rather bewildered as 7 very stoned students laughed at her... one of whom looked more ridiculous than the others.
(Thu 15th Dec 2005, 20:39, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

music lessons of course
he he he...
Mr. G*****n, the head of music... or Wiggy.. or G***wig- because he had this hair that never seemed to change at all... u kinda got the impression he was a failed conductor or musician- well, how DO u earna living? Teach at a reputable if shite public school in north london!
He was rather highly strung and had this ridiculous voice - kinda like harold bishop!...
anyway, 3rd year music exam (can u believe it?) comes around, and we're not talking, "can u play an instrument?"- no, it was "how much of the thrillingly dull text book have u remembered?"- and i mean a 70's book on classical composers.... well 14 year old boys aren't really that into classical music...
so he tells us that we must seat ourselves with at least 3 chairs between every pupil, to stop cheating. well naturally, we all sit right next to each other.... which was like pressing the bright red "LAUNCH" button in a nuclear silo...
striding across the stage, he starts to pick up furniture, and hurls it off the stage at high velocity (fortunately not actually AT us) while screaming about how badly behaved we were... the chairs shook us up.. the TABLE... well, suffice to say, we moved pretty quickly, though pass rates in music weren't very high....
(Mon 14th Nov 2005, 23:02, More)

» The last thing that made me cry

really selfish but....
last time i cried was when it struck me that its been about 8/9 months since another human has voluntarily given me a hug...
call me selfish... "oi! SELFISH!"... but it just intensified the sense of loneliness
:-(...
(Wed 20th Apr 2005, 17:35, More)