b3ta.com user jugglinbob
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more of a lurker than a poster (sounds like a M Jackson quote somehow). Here pretty much daily but for some reason I never say much. Think of me as the guy who thinks he's cool by leaning against a corner all night during a party...

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» It's Not What It Looks Like!

TV Hospital
Whilst working in the emergency theatre one evening we receive a call from A&E that an urgent life saving operation is on the way up to us, so I quickly scrub up and start preparing the instruments etc. It was only then when I realise that I’ve still got the controlled drug keys in my pocket.

Cue me lifting my gown up around my waist and a male colleague on his knees rummaging around as BANG! The doors slam open and patient trolley, medical and nursing staff dash in, flanked by a camera crew filming in our direction. Our expressions of horror probably didn’t make it look any better…

They were filming one of those fly on wall hospital documentaries, but for some reason they didn’t show that part…
(Fri 10th Dec 2010, 9:58, More)

» Airport Stories

"Cheap as Chips" - Strangely Orange Guy...
Chuffed to bits at getting one the (in)famous flights to Spain for 1p...

Until flight home cancelled.

At 23.30.

In an airport which closes at midnight.

Said airport located in the middle of nowhere.

As I turn away to get a taxi before everyone else figures this out and a stampede starts one guy kicks off at the check-in girl. After 30 seconds of solid abuse (including the immortal but not very helpful line "You can't do this - I'm British!" she raises her hand, stopping him mid rant and replies - "But of course Sir, you are entitled to a full refund" and lifts up her other hand holding a shiny new penny piece.

(Mon 6th Mar 2006, 2:49, More)

» Real-life slapstick

The Perfect Wedding...
Picture a touching wedding scene - The groom standing at the altar, watching his bride gliding regally up the aisle in her beautiful dress, the long train being held aloft by the Groom's daughter (from a previous marriage, about 7 years old and, as she has spina bifida, she's being pushed along in her wheelchair)


Except the person pushing the wheelchair is going ever so slightly faster than the bride so, just as she passes me, the train starts to become slack, then touches the floor... and gets caught in the wheels.

Bride's head flys back as she's yanked violently backwards to the floor. It was as if she'd been hit by that straight arm WWE move (clothesline? Men in spandex isn't my thing...)

No one else seemed to find this at all funny, but I was laughing uncontrollably all the way through the service, getting evil looks from the rest of the congregation.

To make it worse, I had foreseen what was going to happen several seconds before it actually did, and should probably have tried to prevent it... Ah well - it was probably worth not speaking to the couple ever again for the LOLs
(Mon 25th Jan 2010, 11:04, More)

» Puns

Two awful puns for the price of one!

A pigmy tribe lived in the high grassed savannah of deepest Africa. The grass is so tall that often they could not be seen even when stood upright. They were called the Elarwii as that is what they constantly proclaimed themselves to be – shouting “We’re the Elarwii” all the time whilst walking around in large aimless circles.

Anyhoo, the tribal leader had a fetish for collecting chairs from all over the world. Armchairs, recliners, high chairs, deck chairs, director’s chairs – you name it he had one. The problem is that he had limited space in the grass hut and so built an extra level on top of his hut and put most of the chairs up there. This worked well until the fateful day that he captured a neighbouring tribes ritual seat of power and put that in the straw attic as well. The structural support of the straw finally gave way flattening the chief in a gory splat. Clearly he should have known better because as we all know…

(Wait for it….)

Men in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones…
(Sat 7th Mar 2009, 22:23, More)

» Puns

Darwin's Nerves
I attended a lecture recently celebrating Darwin's 200th. During this I learnt that although he had to present his groundbreaking theory to scientific institutions all over the world he never got accustomed to public speaking and could never get over his nerves. In fact he had to calm himself down before any talk by having a few quick G&Ts backstage beforehand.

I think that this must be where the phrase "the hurried Gin of the speeches" comes from.

(I’ll get my coat….)
(Sat 7th Mar 2009, 19:06, More)
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