» Running away

Damn that nan and her foresight!
Once in the mid-eighties, when I was around the age of five, it was during the summer holidays spent at my house with my Nan who looked after me while my parents were at work (i'm an army brat!) Cant remember the whys and wherefores of my deciding to run away, but I marched up to my dear nan who was engrossed in a copy of 'Yours' and declared my intentions. "Thats nice dear, you go right ahead!" she said sweetly. Full of excitement i put on my little bag, and into the bag put in my rations of a banana and club biscuit.

Putting on my red wellies (yes it was summer, but I loved those red wellies!) I went up to the door, reached up to the latch and....well nothing. I couldnt reach it!!! I ran back to nan and asked her to help me open the door. She smiled her mystic nan smile and said she would in a moment, she just wanted to finish the article she was reading. I went and sat on the stairs to wait and fell asleep.

She never did open the bloody door for me. My plan was foiled! *shakes fist*
(Mon 14th Aug 2006, 10:16, More)

» Stalked

The Reason Why I Moved Away From London
Warning - Severe Lack of Funny!

Once upon a time young Mogg lived and worked in the great city of London, and as such had to endure the hell of the daily commute on the tube.

One evening I stayed at work a bit later as the tubes were shot to hell more than usual and I wanted to miss the rush. Didn't work though, and I finally admitted defeat and squeezed onto a packed tubetrain.

It was as the train was plodding along slowly that I felt someone pressing themselves against me....pressing a certain part of themselves against me, and I had no doubts exactly what part it was. I took a step to one side to move away, and a moment later the man was back. Tried again, and the same thing happened.

Now people I have spoken to about this since have said "Why didn't you break his nose!?", "Why didn't you shout?" and I know this sounds weird...but I was embarrased. I couldn't bring myself to shout or do anything because I didn't want people to notice me, to think I was some hysterical woman making trouble. The gentleman in question was Asian, and this was virtually 2 weeks after the bomb attacks. If I had started hitting and screaming, pandemonium would have ensued! I made eye contact with one woman, and she knew what was going on. The look of pure pity! I just closed my eyes and willed the train to hurry up to the next stop.

So anyways at the next stop I jump out to wait for the next train. I stood at the platform, the train I had been on left, and I turned around and there he was staring at me. A another train came, and I didn't get on. Lo and behold, neither did he.

Decided then I'd get a bus (no idea why!) so I left the station, but as I got outside I realised I had no idea which bus would get me home, or indeed which direction I needed to go. I started walking down the road, and looked over my shoulder. He was following me again, but this time grinning. I stopped outside a big shop and phoned my boyfriend, who told me to get into the shop and tell someone in there. As I was on the phone I looked back again and he was leaning against the wall watching me. I went into the shop, but seeing no one around, I went back outside and ran back to the tube station.

All through this I had managed to keep relatively calm, but once I got back I went up to one of the tube staff and as soon as I opened my mouth to ask for help I burst into tears. Managed to tell him what happened and he took me to one side so I could calm down. Just then, luckily, two undercover policemen came along. Ticket man asked if they could take me home, and they duly agreed and escorted me on the tube the rest of the way home (took me back on the tube to see if I could spot him again and point him out)

In the end the police took statements and looked back at the CCTV footage, but nothing ever came of it. The cameras were dirty so they couldn't see anything which was nice. So I did the next best thing - I moved to the country and haven't looked back since! Cramped in a poxy train carriage with some blokes erection nudging for attention in your lower back, or singing away in your car alone driving through the most beautiful scenery around! Hmmm!

In closing, I want to say to all the lovely ladies DON'T BE AFRAID TO SCREAM!!! Scream until you're sick, kick and punch, do whatever you have to do to make these sicko's leave you alone.

Also - This is not an uncommon occurance. When I was giving my statement I was told about a WPC who had it done to her, and even she was too frightened to do anything. Just about every female I spoke to in London about it either experienced it themselves or knew someone who did. The sad thing is, I only know of one person who fought back. My mums friend had it happen to her and did actually break the bastards nose. She got a round of applause on the train :)


(This was actually the second time it had happened, but the first time I was followed off the train)

Length? Long enough for me to know it was there...
(Mon 4th Feb 2008, 13:48, More)

» Stupid Tourists

One of our own!
A friend of mine who lives in Kent came up to stay with me in London for the week. While travelling the tube, she would become very quiet after the 'Please Mind The Gap' tannoy spoke (ladies voice version). After a while she piped up 'Is that the Queen???'.

Very loudly.

On a packed train.

I think even the American tourists were laughing.
(Mon 11th Jul 2005, 15:22, More)

» Losing Your Virginity

Golf Course
My friend lost hers on a golf course.

I now call her Dave Lister :D
(Mon 7th Mar 2005, 3:13, More)

» Lost...

A Rabbit Behind a Sunbed
I once worked as a beauty therapist for a mad drugged up cow who kept her puppy and rabbit in the shop while buggering off drinking with her mates to leave me her naive 17 year old work experience girl in charge.

Anyway one afternoon spent alone i was happily playing with the puppy (locked in the kitchen) and the rabbit (hopping around in the reception area) when suddenly the place became a hive of activity. Loads of people came in and about 5 wanted to go onto the sunbed. Concentrating on the customers i was making tea for the ones waiting and making sure the others worked the machine ok. Once it had died down a bit I noticed something was missing. The rabbit was no where in sight. I ran out of the shop and looked around thinking it might have hopped out when someone came in or out but couldnt see it. Searched the shop. Puppy was quite happily peeing on the kitchen floor. Couldnt see the rabbit ANYWHERE.

I then shouted the immortal line through the door of the sunbed room.

"I know this sounds like a stupid question, but is there a rabbit in there with you?"

Had to repeat that i wasnt joking 3 times before she believed me! Helped me look though, which was nice! Finally an hour after first discovering it was gone i climbed up on the ma-hoo-sive sunbed to look behind it.

The rabbit was behind there happily snuggled up.

It must have been there while about 6 different people had 10 minutes each on the sunbed.

Didnt seem to do it any harm!

--

Wont go through the usual length and girth jokes :P
(Sun 5th Dec 2004, 19:37, More)