» My Worst Vomit

Not mine (honest)
But worth sharing.
I was at a party quite happily drinking with some mates. We were getting really quite nicely drunk when Mike started making his famous punch, famed trhoughout the land for tasting just like fruit juice but about 25 ABV. The recipe is a litre of wine, a litre of cider and a litre of lemonade measured in a handy jug. I had a few glasses and thought I would stop, but my friend went that little bit further.
One quick hamster impression later we knew he was going to barf, and he went for the nearest container available, the measuring jug and filled it with one litre exactly of vomit.

Never have I seen such a precision display of chucking. Gold medal effort :)
(Tue 24th Aug 2004, 19:02, More)

» Your Greatest Dilemmas

British 419 Scam
Nigeria's works minister has given out his Fax and mobile phone number and urged people to use it if they see any pot-holes or have a traffic accident.
Read the story here: news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/3725283.stm

Now, my dilema is, should I fax him with a reverse Nigerian 419 scam:

"Forgive me for Faxing you out of the blue, but I am a poor civil servant called "Gordon Brown" , a top official in the Bank of England, who has come into a few Billion pounds by way of a legitimate tax avoidance scheme. All I ask of you is to hold this money in your account for one month and transfer it back to my personal account. I am willing to pay you a holding fee of 10% for your services. I hope you will appreciate that this is most secret, and you will keep this email confidential. I assure you that this is 100% risk free, and you will be helping a poor government worker.
Yours,
Gordon Brown,
Tel: 0141 572 6900 Fax: 0141 572 2566"

I`m sorely tempted.
(Wed 19th May 2004, 16:46, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

Celery
The taste is awful. I mean, why would nature do that to us? It`s rough and bitter on the toungue and it gives you the runs. And it contains virtually no calories so you get nothing out of eating it but a bad taste in the mouth.

It looks too phallic. Why would you eat something that looks like a knob and then dip it in cream cheese. Answers on the back of a postcard to Celery Haters Annonhummous.
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 11:16, More)

» Claims to Fame

I almost got run over by a Williams F1
Well, actually Frank Williams, the chap that runs the F1 team. I was at Goodwood, and walking through a crowd, I began walking without looking and almost cut him up. I realised what I was doing before I actually did it, and appologised. He smiled (but was probably thinking nasty sweary words), and looked like a thoroughly nice chap.
(Thu 24th Feb 2005, 15:22, More)

» Shit Stories

Coloured foods don`t just turn your poo interesting colours
I made myself a great sandwich with ham and beetroot, and went way over the top with the beetroot. The next day, I wandered half asleep to the bathroom in my student halls where instead of the normal straw coloured piss, I urinated the deepest red I’ve ever seen.
I was a little bit disturbed by this, panicked slightly and grasped the end of my dick to stop the flow. Bad mistake. I couldn’t hold it for more than 10 seconds before a fountain of scarlet wee burst from my member spraying the loo and walls a rather fetching shade! I don’t know who came in the bog after me, but I ran to the hospital where they ran test after test to try and work out where the “blood” was coming from. They didn’t find any trace of blood in my wee so discharged me, and it only occurred to me that it was the beetroot all along three weeks afterwards.
I felt like a tit., but it was a bloody good sandwich :-)
(Thu 6th May 2004, 23:52, More)