b3ta.com user Equus
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Damn paintballers

I cant get to my fridge!
(Thu 23rd Jan 2003, 17:21, More)

Woo! First image in an age..

click for biggie!
(Thu 17th Oct 2002, 17:20, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Stupid Tourists

Germans vs a Lion
While on holiday in Budapest with my ex we decided to go visit the zoo, much after wandering around pointing at various animals (including me getting bitten by a penguin, the bastard) we ended up at the lion enclosure.

Now the enclosure was fairly solid, mostly very thick glass (or plastic) except for at one end where there was a wire mesh fence and a small waist height hedge.

For some reason a couple of German blokes decided it would be a really good idea to stick their fingers through this fence and try to attract the lions attention, after a minute or so it worked, the lion sauntered over to investigate, sensibly they took their hands out before the lion decided to have a snack.

I guess the lion didn't really like being called over for no reason, and as it turned around and lifted its tail the Germans happily took some snaps, happiness turned to shock a second later as the lion smugly shot a load of scent marking piss straight through the fence, over both of the hapless tourists.

The missus and me spent the rest of the day happily chuckling over the looks on their faces and at how much fun they'd have had spending the rest of the day smelling like a lions piss pot.

No apologies for length.
(Fri 8th Jul 2005, 16:24, More)

» Have you ever been dumped in a spectacular way?

My sorry tales of being dumped.
My first serious girlfriend was a nice looking young lady, getting an education in the darkest depths of Wales. We went out for 3 and a bit years and all was good, however it all fell to pieces after we got engaged.

Her dad was ill and it didn't look like he'd last more than a year or so longer, she was upset at the idea he'd never have the chance to give her away. Being a nice chap I suggested that some kind of little civil ceremony might be in order. Not a real wedding but something nice that'd feel weddingish.

She agrees that that's a nice idea and should do it. A few hours later she takes me to one side and sheepishly says maybe I'd just like to marry her instead, not really thinking about it I agree and propose, she accepts (woo!) happy me. After that we have a fantastic few days of being young, athletic and newly engaged.

I end up having to go home to Bristol for a while (Work and all that) but after a day or two she stops answering my calls, that weekend She calls me up, and without a trace of remorse says 'I'm in bed with someone else. Would you like to speak to him?'

A few days later she followed it up with a dumping SMS and a nice phone call to say as she was a student she felt she should sleep with more men. Needless to say I was slightly unhappy, threw the £200 ring into Bristol docks in a fit of anger.

Just to finish it off a few days later I got one of those stupid Emails you fill out and send it to everyone you know in the vague hope it'll answer your wishes, under the 'Have you ever been in love?' question she'd written:

'I thought I had, but it turned out he didn't love me back. Now I know I never was in love at all'


More recently I lost my job, my confidence was shattered both by the loss of my job and the fact I'd been stuck doing night shift for the past 6 months. So just to cheer me up on the way to a good friends birthday party my girlfriend decides to dump me. Why?
Because I've lost my enthusiasm and confidence.

(Fri 18th Jun 2004, 11:54, More)

» Premonitions

Few years back
I used to work in some scummy computer shop, about half way through the day I had this foul sensation something bad had happened to my missus, looked over at a work mate and said 'Shit, Kate's just had an accident' he told me to shut up and went to make a cup of tea.. Lo and behold five minutes later Kate calls me having just crashed her car into the back of another car.
(Fri 19th Nov 2004, 13:09, More)