b3ta.com user Hidden Dragon
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» Petty Sabotage

At my school I was evicted from the library for making too much noise. I decided to sabotage it by obtaining a piece of chalky stone and writing PENIS in huge letters on the wall.

The librarian cried. Ha. I was allowed back in though a while later.

(Woo. Say hello to a posting virgin.)
(Wed 11th May 2005, 16:05, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

Not really relevant, but:
There's a Birmingham-ese Chemistry teacher at my school who has major problems pronouncing people's names. This can be especially amusing given the large number of foreign guys.

At a lecture a couple of weeks ago, the task of the rolecall fell to him. A certain 'Shue Wang' wasn't there: he called out "Has anyone seen a chewy wang?" at least 4 times, before finally stopping and giving me a chance to breathe between the laughing.
(Wed 9th Nov 2005, 20:11, More)

» Injured Siblings

Not me, but ancestors:
My great grandfather was playing William Tell with a bow and arrow. His brother missed the apple, and got him straight in the eye. Luckily, he survived, or I would not be here today :-)
(Thu 18th Aug 2005, 13:41, More)

» Injured Siblings

Brotherly Love. . .
When I was about 8, me and my bro were playing baseball in our garden with a stick and a stone. Queue me throwing said stone, and him gracefully returning it to my eye.

He also, when attempting to get rid of a wasp, managed to waft it straight into my back. Cheers.

I regularly kick him in the balls though (just in case he ever attempts to have children). Touche!
(Thu 18th Aug 2005, 13:35, More)

» Teenage Poetry

Mary had a little skirt,
with splits right up the sides,
and wherever Mary went,
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt,
with a split right up the front,
. . . but she didn't wear that one very often.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
to smoke some Marijuana.
Jack got high and unzipped his fly,
but Jill said 'I don't wanna'.
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
to have a spot of fun,
but silly Jill forgot her pill,
and now they have a son.

Mary had a little lamb,
she also had a duck.
She put them on the mantlepiece,
to see if they would . . . fall off.

(Alas, not by moi, but good all the same.)
(Mon 15th Aug 2005, 12:15, More)
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