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DOC ROSCO: Shirking not Working

Screaming through the night in his decomposing Ford Ka, The Doctor grinned as small chunks of the A65 flicked into the void. Time to make a final house call.. he mused, and this time Lancaster will tremble!

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» Mini Cabs From Hell

I was trying to get home from the Harehills part of Leeds....
.... My cab arrives and I state the address. Rather than drive off, the guy remains parked in the middle of the road. After much protestation, he turns around slowly, handing me a piece of paper and simply says "read". So, slightly puzzled I read it, and try to hand it back, but the fella says "READ!!!" again, emphasising with his hands that he wants me to read the words out loud. By now I realise that this bloke probably doesn't speak much english, so wanting to get home, I indulge him and read out:

"To whom it may concern. I, Mr so and so of something cabs, state that the driver, Mr blah blah of x address is a competent driver and of sound personal reputation. I have known Mr blah blah for a considerable period of time, and he has my complete trust. However, if you should have any complaints with regard to Mr blah blah's conduct please contact me on the following number. Sincerely Mr so and so"

Upon hearing his employers name, Mr blah blah smiles lazily, takes back the paper and starts driving. By now I am pooing my pants, as I'm doing high speeds with some fella whose had so many complaints that he needs a 'sanity note' from his employer, and after a couple of minutes has sparked up the biggest aromatic ciggarette I'd seen since 6th form. The strange thing was, despite his apprently poor english, he knew exactly the best way to get to my house (without me repeating my address once) no messing, and we were there in no time. The real clincher though was just as we pull up to my place, he says (with a smirk) in the broadest leeds/bradford accent "alright mate, thats £8.50, god I'm knackered I've been on since 5, thanks alot pal see ya!". Bastard.
(Fri 28th May 2004, 13:34, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

Green Beans
Broad, runner, in fact any green beans. It's not so much the taste (although that's enough to make me gag) but the rough texture of their disgusting exteriors. Ever since I was a kid, the feeling of a green F'ing bean trying to cling to the back of my throat has litterally brought tears to my eyes. A deathmatch between man and pulse always ensues, as if the bean would rather choke me to death than be sizzeled by my stomach acid. Filthy stinking green beans, hanging's too good for 'em I say!
(Tue 13th Jul 2004, 16:28, More)