» That's when I knew it was over...

evil doers have no humour
i got a shite agency job: litigation and enforcement" for south west water. chasing up big domestic debt.

now, if you don't pay your water bill, every adult in the house is jointly responsible.

get to work one day and all the wankers are having a laugh.

"what's the joke?" I ask

"Oh Ho Ho Ah Ha Ha, sniff, Hahahaha. This family owe £2000. There son just turned 18, so we slapped a CCJ on him. AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA" says wanker numer 1

"What, you mean you just fucked up his life, financially, on his 18th birthday, because he has crap-with-money parents? I don't see the humour. Run it by me again." says I

"Oh lighten up" says the team manager

"Fuck off, you tiny minded, evil cunts" says I

names have not been changed, as it is a true story
(Sat 23rd Jul 2005, 14:02, More)

» Best Comebacks

long hair
old conservative type: I can't tell if you're a man or a woman with all that long hair
me: why don't you suck my cock and find out?
(Fri 30th Apr 2004, 0:43, More)

» Shoplifting

fagin
my daughter, who is 2, stole me a £40 filofax the other day

i didn't take it back
(Sat 12th Jan 2008, 20:22, More)

» Stupid Tourists

ruder than stupid
i used to work in a bar in a spanish town that was packed with drunk, red, ignorant, British tourists in summer

right opposite was a lovely, family-run Italian restaurant. The whole family spoke several languages, including very good English

but one evening towards the end of the season, an english couple walked in. the made no attempt at speaking the local lingo; in fact they made no attampt at charm at all

"buenas noches senor, buenas noches senora," said the waiter

"fish and chips twice," said fat, ugly red fuck

"perdon?"

"FIISSHH AAAND CHIIIIPSS TWIIIICE, you thick c**t"

your man did actually go to the effort of making fresh fish and fries for the pair of idiots

but confided to me later that he had pissed in their lager
(Tue 12th Jul 2005, 19:01, More)

» Advice from Old People

my mate norm
he's well into his 80's and smokes 20 a day

he told me other day that wasps exist to stop people mucking about in bushes.

I had wondered what they were for.
(Tue 24th Jun 2008, 13:17, More)