» Shit Stories

Jacque Poosteau
I was on holiday in Yugoslavia some years back, Interailing with a couple of mates. We all went for a dip in the Adriatic and I mentioned that I needed a poo. Michael dared me to shit it there, so I pulled off my shorts and started pushing. Treading water and trying to shit isn't easy I can tell you, but after a while the turd was half way out. However for all my pushing I couldn't dislodge it from my arse so I started doing these forward rolls in the water. My mate reckoned I looked like some bizarre variation of a Catherine Wheel, rotating with this turd dangling out of my arse crack. When it eventually dislodged it flopped onto my back and I had to do a few rapid dives to get it off.

On another occasion I was on a geography field trip in Snowdonia and my mate went off with the trowel and bog roll to a tom-tit. After about five minutes he comes back and says we've all got to come and look, so we all trudge over to his poo-hole and look inside. He'd managed to do this perfect walnut whip poo, like a Mr Whippy 99, complete with little whispy bit on the top. Finest turd I've ever seen.
(Thu 6th May 2004, 12:12, More)