b3ta.com user Heffrey
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Profile for Heffrey:
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I haven't been hanging around here as much as I'd like, because I've been pretty busy lately working my day job. To add to that, now I'm also working my moonlighting job selling handcrafted wooden pieces on the web. Check it out:

Buy Handmade

I do ship worldwide, so if you see anything in my shop that you like, let me know! I'm not going to make you feel obligated to buy, don't worry...

As for my B3ta persona, I'm a member of the Sexy B3TANS Holding Snacks in Their Mouth Club! Check it:

Thanks, Laird Dave! I couldn't be happier!!

Oh, and by popular request (well, Geoff the Clownfish requested it, anyway), here's my award-winning snack in the mouth pic...
Holy Pop-Tarts, Batman!!

And since I didn't have fuck-all to do after the drunken Mrs Heffrey went to bed on New Year's Eve, I earned this...

Yay, me.

Some memorable (NSFW) milestones along the way...
5,000 posts
2,001 posts
...but I'm not posting any others, since they'd gotten me 'ignored' at the time...

Oh look! My incredible wit and winning skills at the art of joketelling earned me this:
all because I told a funny.

The Rev. Jesse made me look even worse than I normally do on a Sunday morning after a night out. A tip of the hat (and a dash for the bucket)...
by Rev. Jesse

And here's the smallest, but by no means the least talented, rendering of me by far!
...by the extremely talented frunt.

Ooh, my aching back!  I drive too damn much!
Here's a watercolor rendering of me behind the wheel, where I unfortunately spend most of my daylight hours

Okay, after three plus years of being here, I finally decided to update the profile a little bit. Plus it's a slow Friday afternoon, and that just sort of invites this kind of tomfoolery, doesn't it? I'm still limited to using paintmash and various other MS applications (like Word and Excel, believe it or not) to accomplish my visual assaults on good taste and manners, but I recently found out that OpenOffice has some pretty nice functions in its Word emulator that work well for a fledgeling like me for layering and shading. I'll be experimenting sometime soon with it - so just be patient in the meantime.

Currently, I'm a salesman who travels regularly throughout the northeast USA trying to sell equipment for cutting, shaping, grinding, and polishing diamond. Don't get too excited though - it's mostly industrial and manufactured diamond we're talking about here. Once in a while, I get out to some of the more exciting places like Chicago, New York, London, and Cleveland. When I'm home, I'm dad to way more kids than anybody should reasonably expect to father, but hey, that's just me. [People ask me: Catholic or Mormon? Neither, I say, we're just plain careless.]

In my spare time I play in my woodshop (so yes, I've constantly got wood). I'm starting to market some of my creations at craft fairs and art consignment shops in Connecticut (USA). I've got a website for showing off some of my current projects, so feel free t odrop me a gaz if you see anything you like!

LogoThere are
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Here on B3ta, I particularly admire the works of JollyJack, HappyToast, and tahkcalB, and a whole host of others who make this place what it is. (Please don't be offended if I didn't include you here - I love you truly, along with all the spit-swapping one would normally include.)

I've lately been swapping sketches with fellow b3tans, such as the lovely Mrs Trellis, Ivesb, Professor Kenny Martin, the lovely and all-American Pachey, MrPineapple, and Rev. Jesse. If you'd like your portrait done (and hey, who wouldn't?), gaz me! Besides Rev. Jesse's disgusting rendition of me above, MrPineapple even got around to making a sketch of me too. Woo to him!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

And the lovely JollyJack made me a drawing for my birthday back in July 2007:

I've never been FP'd and I suppose that's for the best, considering some of the crap postings I've been responsible for:

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Wow! You made it all the way down to here? You should know, then, that you are visitor number Free Counters
Get a Free Counters to my humble profile since, um... well, since I decided to add this counter.

Feel free to gaz me or email me at jeffrey917 _at_ hotmail _dot_ com. Photos of your cleavage are always welcome. unless you're a man. Put those things away - that's just not right.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Injured Siblings

Webster's Dictionary
No, I didn't smack my little sister with a dictionary.

I was probably about 10 and she was about 8 at the time, and she wanted to get the dictionary out of my room. MY ROOM! Well, we all know THAT wouldn't do, so I got over there before her and grabbed it. She then tried to take it out of my hands. I wasn't letting go, she wasn't letting go, and the struggle escalated toward my bedroom doorway. At the threshold, I decided to let her have it so I simply let go as she wound up for a gigantic tug, which sent her flying ass over teakettle across the hallway toward the wall opposite my room.

There stood for many years a hole in that wall about the general shape and size of my sister's ass, covered over by a poster commemorating the King Tut exhibit at the Met in New York. I wonder if my parents' friends ever wondered at why such a poster would be hung on the wall at such a low level?
(Fri 19th Aug 2005, 14:55, More)