b3ta.com user archie Bubba
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» Pet Stories

Cartoon Cappers
When I lived at home we had a cat called George who was always catching poor unsuspecting furries and bring them home through the cat flap for closer inspection.
One night I was awoken to hear some sort of commotion in the kitchen and went down to investigate. I opened the kitchen door quietly, lent in to switch the light on and experienced what to this day is both the funniest and surreal moment of my life.

In the middle of the kitchen floor was George with his back to the door. In the left corner was a mouse and to the right corner was a Duck!

As I turned on the light all three stopped what they were doing and looked up at me. It did cross my mind that I was actually dreaming about myself in a cartoon.

After I stopped laughing I had to decide what to do next. I considered just turning off the light and quietly retreating to leave them to it but the thought of duck bits all over the kitchen wouldn’t have gone down to well so I had to intervene.

I grabbed George and put him into the utility room next to the kitchen. I looked for the mouse but while dealing with the cat little Mickey had taken his leave behind the fridge. This left the duck. By this time it had jumped onto the draining board. In a moment of inspiration I lent across it and opened the kitchen window and the Duck took this opportunity and dived through the opening and dropped out of sight.

The next thing I see is the duck legging it up the garden desperately trying to reach take off velocity with George on its tail like a Cheeter chasing a gazelle, the cunning git had been sitting under the window waiting. I couldn’t see the outcome as they disappeared into the gloom.

I've no idea how the cat got the duck through the cat flap intact; maybe they were just three friends having a little kitchen party.

Thanks for the memories George, you're sorely missed.
(Fri 8th Jun 2007, 10:18, More)

» The Dark

Sorley Tunnel - Devon
There's a small adventure park in Kingsbridge Devon called Sorley Tunnel that has farm animals and tractors and the like. So far so family friendly. It also has a disused railway tunnel (hense the name) that you can walk down about 1/2 a mile to experiense complete darkness.
We went a couple of years ago, we being my wife and 4 year old son and my brother and his family. All i can say is that we managed about 100 meters before all 4 adults bricked it and legged it back to the daylight - kids complaining that we didnt get to the end. We vowed to not mention this in public again.
(Mon 27th Jul 2009, 11:18, More)

» I witnessed a crime

JCB ram raid
I didnt actually witness the crime but did drive past our local petrol station to see the staff standing on the forecourt looking at the rather large hole where their cash machine used to be.

It turns out that a JCB was hotwired from a building site down the road and used to remove the cash machine. I think if i had been looking in the right direction when i went past i would have seen it disappearing into the distance. It looked like they nearly brought the whole canopy down with it.

A few days later in the local rag it appears that the machine didnt actually have any money in it.

Oh well, i guess its the thought that counts!
(Wed 20th Feb 2008, 14:14, More)

» How I Skive Off Work

Coffee Time

Great little program that makes it look like you're upgrading your machine but is in fact not doing anything.
(Wed 27th Apr 2005, 17:07, More)

» My Greatest Regrets

I only have one regret. I'm shit at remembering dates but it was probably 10 years ago. I was 21/22, working in a bar in Beckenham Kent (the lazy toad), single, living at home, money to burn with drugs on tap. In fact looking back it was the time of my life. Long story short, I started seeing Kate (real name). Kate used to come to the bar all the time with a group of friends I knew. She was lovely. She was sweet and pretty and she really liked me. All was great for a couple of months until Kirsty started working at the bar and I had my head turned in a big way. These things happen I know but instead of doing the decent thing and finishing with Kate in the honest and mature way that she deserved, I treated her like shit and I think ended up breaking her heart (the think part is because I never saw her again to find out)
Those years are behind me now and to be truthful I havent been sitting here pinning for Kate and what could have been. However I've always carried with me the guilt of how I treated someone so badly when all they did was like me.
So Kate Wade, if by some slim chance your reading this or someone who knows you can pass on a message, I'm really sorry for the way I treated you and I hope that you've had a happy 10 years, as you really deserve it

(Wed 11th Oct 2006, 13:46, More)
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