b3ta.com user monster munch
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drawn by Ocarina

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Best answers to questions:

» Jobsworths

I turned up to a
[nightclub / pub / casino / supermarket / train] when I was [drunk / high / unsuitably dressed / obviously underage / not in possession of a valid ticket / without ID], and the [bouncer / landlord / manager / conductor] wouldn't [let me in / let me on / serve me].

I mean, come on! How petty can you get?

Anyway, I went back the next night and did something so petty that he probably [wouldn't even notice / thinks I'm even more of a pillock than he already did], by way of exacting my revenge.
(Fri 13th May 2005, 14:35, More)

» Random Acts of Evil

6th form, at Grammar School.
The school had recently gone from 13+ to 11+ intake, and the new students seemed to be getting a lot of money spent on them (they had the use of the schools new mac network, we had to make do with the crappy old RM terminals, that sort of thing).
Mooching around one lunchtime, and a trio of the anklebiters go tearing past us. In a fit of especially childish pique, I stick out my foot to trip the last one to pass. Trip he does, followed by a flawless forward roll that leads him back to a running finish. Didn't even break his stride.
My one attempt to bully someone for the heinous crime of being smaller than myself, and I pick on the boy wonder.
(Fri 17th Feb 2012, 19:53, More)

» First World Problems

On the tube, this morning,
I was getting some serious tongue action from my girl.
Would have been great, but some weasel was doing a sudoku puzzle. Scritch, scritch, scritch went his pen on the paper - holy fuck, it was annoying!
On the plus side, my sister-in-law is joining us for a threesome, this evening, so that ought to take my mind off things.
(Mon 5th Mar 2012, 15:00, More)

» Sex Toys

I once had an entire Moroccan street market,
flown to England and installed in my bedroom, just so that I could do it doggy-style whilst browsing for tagines and throw-rugs.
Don't judge me, I can't help my bazaar fetish.
(Sun 20th May 2012, 23:19, More)

» Conspiracy Theories

Ronald Reagan's Star Wars defence program
was only about laser defence satellites, in as much as the USA really were building a working replica of the Death Star. They also built a fully functional X-Wing.

How do I know this? There was a Top Trumps deck with detailed stats for all the Star Wars vehicles - if they hadn't built them, how would they know the stats?
(Thu 1st Dec 2011, 14:53, More)
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