b3ta.com user Whippersnapper
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» Going Too Far

Lying cunt
Years ago my little brother fell down the stairs and broke his arm. For the following 2/3 weeks he'd tell anyone who'd listen that I pushed him.
Needless to say, I was very much a grounded chappy. Anyway, when my name had been cleared there was much resentment between us.
So I waited til his cast came off and really pushed him down the stairs. :) Only went and broke his other arm. Fragile twat.
(Wed 15th Nov 2006, 9:35, More)

» Family codes and rituals

The pudding race
Our family like to talk. And because we are fairly numerous, this could make dinner time a long drawn-out affair, which was enjoyed by everyone except my dear old Ma.
The ingenious woman that she is, she cooked up a scheme to make everyone (Pa included) eat faster. On the rare times we had a pudding*, she would bring it to the dinner table when approximately half of us had finished our mains.
This marked the beginning of the pudding race.
The rules were simple:
1) You could only start pudding when you'd finished your dinner. (No hiding peas under your knife and fork!)
2) If you finished your pudding and there was still some left unclaimed in the middle of the table, you were permitted to help yourself to seconds. Seconds were supposed to be half the size of firsts, but this was rarely enforced.)
3) If you finished your dinner and there was no pudding left - tough. You lose. Eat faster next time.
Funnily enough, I'm not much of a pudding person any more...

Length? Got shorter each time.

*Usually Angel Delight.
(Sun 23rd Nov 2008, 15:34, More)

» Apparently I'm a sex offender

Yes office, that *is* my name on that letter, but-
I once worked for a local computer shop (you know the sort; they'd attempt anything with a screen) until my boss mysteriously disappeared.
Few days later the police turn up asking to talk to me.
Turns out my old boss had been into photographing his (14 y/o) stepdaughter. Anyone from Syston, Leicester may remember the story.
So why did they want to talk to me? The photos were taken in my office...
(Sun 20th Aug 2006, 0:12, More)

» What's the most horrific thing you've seen?

Work experience
I did work experience at a vets when I was about 15.
One morning an officer from the RSPCA (or some other such charitable peeps) delivered a cat to us - frozen.
He told us they wanted to tell us why it was dead. He didn't tell us it'd been dead for three days before they'd frozen it.
The most horrific thing I've seen, therefore, would have to be a three-day-dead cat defrosting.

Length? About a foot, seeping nasty odoured liquids...

(Oh, in case you're interested, the cat had been shot three times - third shot fatal. The owner was, I belive, prosecuted.)
(Tue 26th Jun 2007, 23:47, More)

» Evidence that you're getting old

I'm stealing school bandwidth,
so I'm not old...
(Wed 3rd Nov 2004, 14:51, More)
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