» Misunderstood

alcohol linguistics in China
I lived in Beijing for 3 years.

Early on I joined a local cycling cluband on my first outing we cycled about 60K in the countryside around the Ming Tombs. It was beautiful but hot as hell and the final stretch was a 10k shallow but constant uphill grade. Suffice to say I was in need of beer related recuscitation at the end.

I went in to the small store across the road from the finish point and, in my best novice Mandarin, asked for a bottle of Pe Jiu (chinese for beer, literally - flower alcohol, which is frankly a girly name for the great ales). The gent behind the counter passed me a green half-litre bottle of a brand I didn't recognise. It wasn't cold, but it was about 15p and the store keeper didn't appear to have a fridge (or electricity come to that) so I decided not to press the point. Some gesticulation based communication ensued and he opened it for me (I did not yet know the Mandarin word for "open", only having learned "thank you", "ashtray" and "beer" so far). Once opened I took a hearty pull from the bottle, expecting to down the lot and demand another bottle, hence impressing the storekeep and cementing the longnoses' reputation amongst the locals of these parts. As this liquid hit the back of my throat it became clear that he had misheard me. For a second I thought I had just swallowed bleach or white spirit, but realisation quickly dawned that I had in my hands a bottle of the famous local grog "bai-jiu" (literally - white alcohol), a whisky strength rice liquor drunk in vast quantities all across the Middle Kingdom. In my twisted foreign assault on the storekeep's language, I had clearly mispronounced pe-jiu ("pee geo") as bai-jiu ("bye geo").

In an attempt to avoid losing face (terribly important amongst the local johnnies) in front of the storekeep and his now gaping family, I continued my pull on the bottle and whiped my lips with my coat sleeve giving all impressions of having quenched my thirst. I thanked the storekeep and left with my image intact, but my throat burning and my stride a little askew.

My proudest moment in China was, 3 years later, getting trousered with a bunch of work colleagues and telling this story ... in Chinese.
(Fri 7th Oct 2005, 8:24, More)

» School fights

I was a late starter ... in more ways than one
I was at Oxford Poly (I am all of teh old now) and out on a 'date' with a prospective girlfriend. On the way walking her home, we passed some local townies on Magdelene Bridge. One of them said something terribly rude about my date, I said something equally rude back then he knocked me out. I had 3 stitches that night and lost my virginity at 3am the next morning. I think I won that fight on points.
(Fri 10th Mar 2006, 11:17, More)

» When I met the parents

falatualation
I took my g/f to my parent's place for Christmas hols. She's a good drinker, but perhaps not so used to the fizzy beer my folks keep about the place. She let out a huge burp at the dinner table. I almost lost control of my laughter rein at that point then my mum responded by farting. That was the end of it for me, my dad and I were howling so loud we almost herniated. My g/f took a little longer to see the joke.

Of course, I married her.
(Fri 20th May 2005, 7:09, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

What ever it is, make sure it's dead before you eat it
I was taken out to lunch on my birthday in Beijing by a client once. They ordered up this lobster (I bloody love lobster) which was delivered to the table apparantly raw, with the meat striped and presented laying across said lob's shelled back. Tasted great until I realised that the feeling I had of being watched wasn't entirely psychosamatic. The fucking thing was still alive and looking at me; WHILE I ATE IT. Put me right off that did. I would have gagged immediately but the kind people who took me for lunch would probably have taken offense before realising why I had turned my stomach inside out on the table and then patting my head saying things like "poor Lao Wai" and then spending the next 10 years laughing with their mates about how the big nose couldn't hack the lobster.

Have since got over live food phobia (life in asia demands it...)

Right, I'm off to eat a baby
(Fri 16th Jul 2004, 5:24, More)

» Awesome Sickies

Trailing Spouse
Bubble (the missus) got a job in Belgium last year. I had wanted to move to Thailand, but no, she got the job in Belgium. Typical.

Now I'm stuck in a country that won't employ me because I can't speak Dutch and refuse to learn French with nothing better to do all day than play computer games, ride my mountain bike and drink good cheap beer.

Hold on.

roll on the next 8 months :D
(Wed 14th Jun 2006, 12:24, More)