b3ta.com user CatsAgainstTheBomb
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Destroyer of guitar strings and vanquisher of alcoholic beverages.
Read more about me here.
Kind of like photoshopping, but with sounds.

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» Bodge Jobs

My station for a paper clip
100 TeraByte storage array in a TV station hanging off a single "boss" PC running a database, without which the station might transmit porn on the kids channels.
And no backup of the database...
The all-too-thinkable happens and the box goes down.
As it has no external power switch, but a custom (read "crap") control unit inside, it won't turn on.
One phone call from me: "Get the lid off, grab cable x, stick a paperclip in the loose header end on the red pin and tap it against the case."
Back on, and normal service is resumed.

And that is how I saved a TV station from running out of porn, by fixing their 100TB storage array with a paperclip.
(Fri 11th Mar 2011, 12:09, More)

» Birthdays

The Ultimate Anti-Climactic 21st
I was born on December 31st 1978, and my birthday has always been anti-climactic (at best) every year of my adult life, what with it being New Years Eve.

You can't get a much more anti-climactic 21st than 31st December 1999!

There are plus points however:
I've never worked on my birthday.
I'll never have to worry about having to go into work with a hangover next day!
(Wed 14th Dec 2005, 17:22, More)

» Walkman Flashbacks

Michelle McManus for all the wrong reasons
Local arts centre in November last year.
Everyone's favourite king of sick love songs, V/VM, perform whilst wearing a pig mask.
The set consisting of:
Elton John's "Can you feel the Love tonight"
Motorhead "Ace of Spades"
St Winifred's School Choir "Grandma We Love You"

The culmination of the set was Michelle (Pop Idol) McManus's song "All This Time" being mutilated and distorted as the ENTIRE AUDIENCE of approx 100 people are dragged onto the stage by Fast Lady (the evening's support act), for a drunken singalong.

My mate (the promoter) then jumps off the stage and headbutts the floor. Eyebrow explodes, and its time for a trip to casualty!
In a bloody drunken haze he asks me to let the bands into his flat and let them drink "anything they want".

The flat contains:

1 bottle ginger beer
several bottles of rum
1 bottle of absinthe

New cocktails:
Grog - rum and ginger beer (try it, its great!)
Tea and Absinthe - not so good.

Mate returns from casualty, with a new cool scar, and goes to bed. I pass out in the living room to the sounds of the bands talking about how vile tea and absinthe is.

Michelle McManus - thank you for the music, I'll never forget that song.
(Thu 31st Mar 2005, 10:52, More)

» Obscure Memorabilia

Binlid covered in Sausage Meat
I have a binlid at home that was once covered in sausage meat by V/VM and Jansky Noise at a recent gig in Liverpool (I live in Ipswich, it was quite a trip).
I had a pirate fight (lots of "ARRR!s") with Jansky Noise after he had thrown raw sausages into the audience, and I was using the binlid as a shield.
(Fri 5th Nov 2004, 13:25, More)