» Weird Traditions

Dumbasses in cars
I picked up a strange tradition/habit from a friend a few years back. Whenever I see a really nice car or even a shit car that tries to be nice, I yell out "Sorry about your penis!". This statement is regardless of gender, and was spawned on the theory that guys with nice cars are compensating.
(Sat 30th Jul 2005, 23:30, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

Hoo boy
There was a Physics teacher in my high school who was quite the man. Aside from being one of those "strange genius" types, he hated people talking in the hallway outside of his class. To the point of chasing them away while ranting and raving. He also used to perform experiments on the school field using metal garbage cans full of water and chunks of magnesium.

The best memory I have of him comes from when he was due in for some laser eye surgery, and for a month before hand, couldn't wear his contacts. Now, this fellow had very poor eyesight. He'd wear contacts and reading glasses daily. But for a month, he would wear two pairs of glasses while reading in class.

There were other teachers just as strange, but in more of a 'you had to be there' type way.
(Tue 15th Nov 2005, 3:37, More)

» Stupid Tourists

Every once and awhile...
you get a real laugh at work.

I worked in a bank for four years during high school and the summer after my first year of uni, as a teller. Being from a pretty little town in northern British Columbia, noted far and wide for it's beautiful scenary, excellent hunting and fishing, and friendly locals, we got more than our fair share of tourists. Summer time had the highways and hotels packed, and seeing as we were the only finiancial establishment open on Saturdays, we did a lot of currency exchange. Our area drew a lot of German tourists, all whom were very pleasant and surprised I knew enough of their language to make their finiancial transactions less distressful.

But one of the best tourist encounter I had at the bank was one lovely Saturday in July. This American couple came to my wicket to exchange some cash (funny coloured money as most of them called it). I had a very nice chat about sightseeing destinations with the woman, while her husband stood the side and just looked around like a bit of a goon. After exchanging cash and giving them ten minutes of detailed directions to several local marvels (glaciers, double waterfalls, the like), she smiled, thanked me and they were on their way. Then her husband looked at me square in the eye and said, "Did you know you've got the only last name in here I can pronounce?".

Our town has a lot of german and dutch influence, so it's commonplace for people to have dutch and german sounding names. Some of the people I worked with had names like Giglberger, Hamhuis, Oevermann, Poohachoff, and the like. My last name is Edwards. So, during the entire conversation I had been having with his wife, he had been trying to figure out how to pronounce the other tellers' names.

Classy. I laughed my ass off the minute they walked out.
(Sat 9th Jul 2005, 21:34, More)

» My computer gave away my secrets

Oh man...
Yes, another porn story. A few months back, the guy I was into at the time came by my place to hang out. We were in my room, and I mentioned I had an anime series he wanted to watch. So we switched places, he sat down at my computer, and I sat across the room. He was flipping through the folder and stumbled across a huge file of porn. I had it saved (I mean, come on, everyone watches it, but the smart people delete it after) in order to burn it onto CD for a friend's 18th birthday as a joke. After some very embarrassing explanations, he didn't really believe me.

Could have been that my friend's birthday had been three months previous. Hey, I'm not that punctual at gift giving, alright?
(Sat 11th Feb 2006, 3:57, More)

» Birthdays

18th Birthday
Spent the day before in the Vancouver airport for 10 hours waiting for a 12 minute flight across the strait to come home. There was a delay because the lower bloody mainland can't handle two inches of snow. Flew into Nanaimo (which is two hours up island from my uni, and where my parents live)was pleasantly surprised to go out for dinner with two of my three brothers (one whom I hadn't seen for ages). After dinner, we're on the way back to the house and my brother goes, "So mom, you gonna tell her?"

After ages of me demanding to be told whatever it is they're keeping from me, my mom regales this tale of a lodger in our house. Since us four kids moved out and away, the basement's been empty at the ol' homestead, so my parents rent it out. One of their regular boarders buggered off to Winnipeg for the month of December, but couldn't afford to pay the rent while he was gone. So my step-dad agreed to let his friend say there while the other guy was gone, as his friend Mark had just moved to town and was looking for a place to stay. He seemed like a normal kinda guy. The last time my parents saw him was the middle of December, around the 20th. Then just after the 1st of January, my step-dad went downstairs to look for something, and smelled something weird. THE GUY HAD DIED TWO WEEKS PREVIOUS.So there were cops and crime scene guys swarming the house, the professional cleaners were in and such. This all happened two days before I got home.

Totally gave me the jibblies, I still can't go downstairs in the middle of the night. But that wasn't all that was bad. The next morning, I get up early to catch a bus back down to uni. Didn't manage to make it on the too-full express bus (which takes 2 hours tops), so I had to take the other one which meanders all the fuck around the island and pushes the travel time nearly to 4 hours. Three hours go by, we're nearly home. But wait. There's a huge accident. We got stuck in traffic for an additional 3 hours. My trip pushed 7 hours total. Whatever, I've been through worse, I can handle it. So I get off at the bus depot downtown, and as I'm waiting to cross the street, my transit bus up to uni passes. No big deal, I can catch the next one. I check the schedule, says I've got 20 minutes to wait. I can do that. 20 minutes pass, 30, 40, AN HOUR AND A HALF pass. Still no bus.

The problem? It had snowed like six inches. See, I'm originally from northern BC, where it snows like... six feet in a good blizzard and the schools don't close until it hits -40 celcius. But my uni is in the much balmier lower mainland, where -5 celcius and six inches of snow, is a Big Fucking Deal. Finally my bus came and I lugged all my shit onboard. As I was finding a seat, my cell phone started to ring. I didn't find it in time to pick up, and for some reason, this was the last straw. I huddled in the back crying and checking my voicemail. It was my bestest friend leaving me a happy birthday message.

I got up to campus and dumped my shit in my room, planning on making my next class (it was the first day of classes), but said 'screw it' and crawled into bed.

My day was made a bit better when my roommate's boyfriend took me out for dinner and a movie, and unlike the previous year's birthday, no one in my family died. (My grandma died on my 17th birthday, when I was as sick as a dog with the flu).

Sorry about the length. Naw, not really.
(Sun 11th Dec 2005, 22:12, More)