b3ta.com user GazChap
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Hows about visiting my b3ta gallery?


Everything else about me is on that site somewhere too.

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(Tue 17th Jul 2012, 14:14, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Pure Ignorance

Quiz night, Christmas 2003.
Playing a round where we are asked a bunch of questions, and all of the answers begin with the same letter (which we are told at the start)

Our letter was C.

The first seven questions are answered brilliantly, progressing in a clockwise direction around our team of 8. We need to get all of the questions right to win the prize of the evening.

Questionmaster gets around to the last of us - an elderly woman, and asks: "Name a musical instrument beginning with C."

We were happy. Answering this question right, which lets face it as as easy as pie, will mean we will win the prizes on offer.

What was her answer?

(Fri 7th Jan 2005, 18:46, More)

» Evidence that you're getting old

God, where do I start?
Every day I feel like I've turned into a grumpy old man - and I'm only 21.

The state of the music charts. Its almost exclusively pap. Mindless garbage manufactured by Simon "Twat" Cowell and his goonies.

Annoying mobile phone ringtones, and the apparent craze for getting new ones - would someone PLEASE tell me what the point is in paying £3/month for ringtones, when the first thing that you do when your phone rings is turn the ringer off so you can talk?

Boy racers - they cruise around Shrewsbury in their souped up 206's and Corsa's. Blasting "choons" from their "6x9's", and exhibiting their "mad skillz" behind the wheel. Except everyone else on the streets thinks they are twats.

Not being able to buy sweets in a newsagent without people looking at you as if you are about to go and lure some poor kiddie to their doom. I happen to LIKE "Dolly Beads" ;)

Complaining about Christmas, and how you can tell its near when all TV adverts are for kids toys.

Oh, plus there is the obligatory anecdote about how I tell every kid in the area that the ice cream van has sold out when it starts playing its music ;)

I think thats it, but there are bound to be plenty more.
(Thu 28th Oct 2004, 13:37, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

'twas but a few years ago
when I was a checkout operator at Morrisons. My current customer was a middle-aged woman and a group of three or four mentally disadvantaged people - yes, spackers.

Putting her products through the till, I was desperately trying to stop myself from bursting into laughter at one of them sort of pointing at the ceiling lights in wonder and going "Ooooo".

Anyway, I picked up a bag of parsnips - the ones where the checkout operator has to weigh them to get the correct price. Too busy concentrating on the pointing spack, I accidentally type in the product code for carrots instead, a more expensive item at the time.

Ever vigilant, the middle-aged woman (their carer) says "You've put those in as carrots, they're parsnips.".

I reply with "Oh, I'm terribly sorry.", taking the parsnips back from her to reweigh them.

It was then that I said what surely ranks as one of the worst things ever in my life. It just popped out.

"I don't suppose it matters really though, they're only vegetables."

I hasten to add that I did mean the parsnips. I wasn't being derogatory. She sort of gave me a scathing look and no more was said after that.
(Thu 22nd Apr 2004, 23:42, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

My entire family
managed to convince me from the age of 3 (up until I was about 14) that thunder was caused by the spirits of dead footballers accidentally kicking the ball into the goalposts up in heaven.

I also caught my brother watching a porn film when I was about 8, and it was just at the "money shot". He quickly turned over and said that he was watching an educational film about how women milk cows.

The school visit to the working farm a year or so later proved very interesting...
(Wed 14th Jan 2004, 18:28, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

This is ripped from my website diary, sorry for the length ;)
Busy at work on my checkout (I used to work at Morrisons before I saw the light and became a web developer ;) ) my supervisor came over to sign my duty record. Whilst doing so she asked me if I'd heard the stories about "666 Lady". When I replied in the negative, she began telling me about this mysterious she-devil.

Apparently, there is this lady that comes shopping every so often who refuses to have anything to do whatsoever with anything related in any way to the number six. She will not buy a product with the number six anywhere in the barcode. She will not buy a product with the number six anywhere in the price. She won't buy a bunch of six bananas.

My supervisor told me that "666 Lady" was in the store at the moment, and that I should be prepared for her (as I was on till 13, one of the few tills that has nothing to do with the number six)

As it turns out, she started to go through till 12. I say started, because half-way through the shop she suddenly realised that 12 divided by 2 is 6, and had to go through another till. Fortunately not mine (otherwise I wouldn't have been able to stop myself laughing) but till 17. This in itself was surprising, as 7 minus 1 is 6. I guess she must have just liked the look of Melanie, who was on till 17 at the time.

Her shopping totalled somewhere in the region of £25, from what Melanie told me, but the amount of pence had a 6 in it - shock horror! She then proceeded to grab something at random from the sweet stand and put that on, just so there wouldn't be a six anywhere in the sub total.

Then, to Melanie's amusement, the change she had to give had a 6 in it, something like £3.62. Obviously this couldn't be tolerated - so "666 Lady" asked Melanie to only give her so much of the change and to keep the rest.

Some people, eh? ;)
(Tue 30th Dec 2003, 14:38, More)
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