b3ta.com user Charlie Bouquet
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What Is Your Battle Cry?

Skulking along the tundra, swinging a jewelled meat hammer, cometh Charlie Bouquet! And he gives a cruel cry:

"I'm going to bruise you so hard, you'll age fifty years!"

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Grammar God!
I've been told by these nice folks that I am a GRAMMAR GOD!


If my mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it apparently should be.
Congratulations for reading this without falling asleep and thank you!


How grammatically sound are you?
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» My Worst Vomit

Doner Vomit
When I was 18 I'd already had a scare with alcohol misuse. So when, at 20, I started drinking again it was always going to lead to bother.
So the second night of my alcoholic rebirth consisted of 4 pints of Scrumpy and a dodgy kebab from an undisclosed locatrion in the North of Scotland - I've already said too much.
I also started smoking - 4 Marlboros if I recall - I soon stopped again.
It was the ciggies that did it. I had just stubbed out the fourth one, when a bloatedness overcame me and made it clear that either my stomach was going to stretch or it would deposit some of its contents.
Long story short: car park, hurl, astonishment.

The vomit had landed on the tarmac in the the shape and colour of the doner kebab I had devoured mere hours earlier.
I have witnesses, coz I ran back to the pub and dragged my mates out to see it.
(Thu 19th Aug 2004, 23:24, More)