b3ta.com user Amos Moses
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» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Amos Moses
When having peas for dinner, take a pea from my sisters plate, throw it on the floor exclaiming "You peaed on the floor".
(Fri 18th Sep 2009, 14:19, More)

» The Soundtrack of your Life

I had to say goodbye
to my girlfriend of a few years ago. She was returning back to Japan and I chivalrously volunteered to go with her to the airport. This was always going to be tough, we both knew it was effectively the end of what was quite a special relationship for both of us.

So in the last coffee shop we were spending a final few heart-wrenching minutes together before she went through the gate of no return. I was attempting to remain stoic and composed when the airport radio, in its infinite wisdom decided then was the time to play "nothing compares", by Sinead O'Connor. This triggered blubbing on a scale not seen since mufasa got trampled by wildebeest in the lion king.

Airports have absolutely no business playing this song ever.
(Fri 29th Jan 2010, 19:43, More)

» Phobias

Personification of Inannimate Objects
I fear when things that are not alive talk to you as though they are. Like when buses say "I am not in service" on them. As though THEY made the decision to not be in service. I woulden't want to get inside an ALIVE bus.

every time I see one I fear it will veer across the road and mow me down on a whim.
(Fri 11th Apr 2008, 19:45, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Dirty bath grafitti
I used to live in a rather skanky house. Chief among the skank was the bath, all the enammel had gone on it, resulting in a nice porus surface good for grinding the crusty bits off your feet but bad for picking up grime. It was grey, verging on black in places. At some point it became too much to bare so I purchaced some uber toilet cleaner to try and shift the stuff. The instructions informed me to "test on a discreet area first" which I took to mean "Draw a giant cock and balls, replete with gushes of seamen on your dirty bath". I left it slightly longer than reccomended and was happy to see my crudly drawn phallus etched in pure white onto the grey bath.

I took some photos, but they didn't really come out well :(
(Fri 18th Sep 2009, 10:17, More)

» Doctors, Nurses, Dentists and Hospitals

The orthodontist I had when I ws a kid was the most tightly wound guy i've ever met. He was openly rude and irritable with patients and staff alike. A heart attack waiting to happen. Fortunately, my teeth wern't too bad so i largely avoided the fucker.

My sister however had to have some teeth pulled which obviously involed a local anaesthetic. But instead of injecting it into the tissue, the moron injected it into a blood vessel. The results were fairly spectacular. My little sis proceeded to have full on spack-out fit (I think becuase of the adrenaline?). This is apparently far from life thretening, but it's scary shit when you don't know what's happening. Less frightening though, than the resulting wave of mum-wrath directed at this so-called medical professional. It was like somthing out of a Manga film. You could almost see his ego buckle. Those teeth got pulled for free in the end.

Go Mum!
(Thu 11th Mar 2010, 21:54, More)
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