b3ta.com user Blue Star
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You're a bit fuckin' nosey aincha? You a copper?

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Best answers to questions:

» Annoying words and phrases

God I hate it when people say stuff.

(Thu 8th Apr 2010, 16:11, More)

» Real-life slapstick

Double F and me had just started going out.
He moved into a house with one of his mates and I was around helping him unpack.

We were transporting piles of books down the stairs to the lounge. FF misses the last few steps and falls on his arse, still holding the books and thinking he'd had a lucky escape. Not so. I was standing at the top of the stairs and in my shock at seeing him fall, I put my hands up to my face, dropping the pile of (mainly hardback) books down the stairs. Each one hit him on the head with a 'THUNK' noise. I stifled laughter like I never had before. No lasting damage though. Well I don't think so anyway...
(Thu 21st Jan 2010, 14:08, More)

» Unusual talents

Nothing really incredible.
I can open beer bottles with my teeth. I can make my tongue into a clover too. I can also swallow hotdogs whole. I once beat a gay man at a hotdog swallowing contest. My parents are so proud.
(Thu 18th Nov 2010, 15:43, More)

» Turning into your parents

Both of my parents are pretty cool for 63 year olds.
I have no issue whatsoever in turning out like them.

My ma watches Later with Jools Holland and marks the acts out of five, which she then shows me when I go to visit her on Sundays. She's got pretty good taste. On hearing 'Spitting Games' by Snore Patrol on the radio one day, she didn't even look up from her dinner as she said 'Ah, this song. It promises so much and delivers so little'.

I love the bones of the pair of them. If I turn out half as fantastic as them, I'll be a very happy camper.
(Thu 30th Apr 2009, 16:23, More)

» Sacked

I've actually never been sacked
but did punch the second in command of the whole company in the face one time at a conference. He was slagging off the office I work in and I politely told him if he continued, I would punch him. He continued and so I lamped him twice. He said 'You're sacked!' and I told him to tell someone who gave a fuck.

I still work there, he does not....
(Sat 25th Feb 2006, 22:04, More)
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