» Running away

"me-time"
Not really a case of running away, but a seven year old only child freaking out when too many kids were playing with MY skip-it.

It was the eighties, in the West Midlands. All the daddies that worked for Jaguar (including mine), were at a union meeting about some kind of strike action to stop a factory site getting closed down, and all the Jag mums brought their kids round to our house after school to play until the meeting was over.

Cue - loads of children playing in MY back garden with MY toys (remember us only children are not at all used to sharing), and all their mums chatting in the kitchen about redundancies, oblivious to their kids outside. I'd had enough. I needed space. So I hopped on my bike "Violet" (with a fantastic boot-basket-thing, in which I stored a capri sun and a fun-size marathon for the journey), and took off in search of peace from the mob of children behind me - down the gravel entry towards hearsall woods.

I returned half an hour later, in the arms of a local builder who'd found me unconscious, embedded in my face a large portion of that very same gravel entry and missing most of my front teeth. Apparently I'd escaped too fast, and fallen off my bike head first over the handlebars yards from my house, and consequently skidded jackass-style face first along the alleyway, knocking out five of my teeth (Ham sandwiches were a no-go snack until my teeth grew back a year later), fracturing my eye socket, and completely skinning the right side of my face.

I looked like that ugly kid in the Cher film for weeks (or the phantom of the opera, if his mask was made of scabs), and wasn't allowed to be in the class photograph that year, as I looked too scary.

Remarkably, the incident only left me with a small moustache-themed scar and a fear of piloting my own transport, but still have a penchant for making dramatic exits from stressful situations.
(Mon 14th Aug 2006, 2:32, More)

» My Worst Vomit

In my mummy's face
I must've had a weaker stomach when a child, as the two worst stories of vomiting are from pre-school times. The first, but with the most lasting damage ensued after my Auntie babysat a three-year old me on a saturday night. She fed me a whole box of black magic chocolates (a two tier one no less), topped off with coke, which resulted in some major bedtime chunder. I covered a large part of my pink carpet and my little pony wallpaper in thick viscous chocolate puke, which needless to say, stained quite badly. Mum wasn't pleased...

But she was less pleased when she came to check on me in the middle of the night when i was about five. I was sound asleep (I remember none of this) when I opened my eyes to find my mum staring back at me, inches from my face, the fright was enough for me to vomit. In my mummy's face. My dad woke to find my mum running round the landing screaming 'Terry! Terry! I'm blind!'. After the sick was washed from her eyes, they found me in bed, sound asleep, sick in my hair, as if nothing had happened.

Little girls aren't always sweet...

Yeeeee! First post!
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 15:39, More)

» People with Stupid Names

Oh no... I forgot this one...
Whilst watching dumber and dumber (the tommy vance channel five one... I think that's what its called), there was an interview with a chap called Dusty Beer. Yes he was American.

A friend of mine knows a young police officer by the name of Mr. World. Yes, that's right, PC World.

aaaathangyow
(Tue 31st Aug 2004, 2:41, More)

» Crazy Relatives

Jack the ripper...ooooohh... the ripper...
How apt this question is, as it allows me to proudly point out that I am related to the late Screaming Lord Sutch of the Monster Raving Loony Party.

Turns out his (albeit distant) inclusion in the family fold was one of those interesting stories that never got told... until he hung himself.
(Sat 7th Jul 2007, 1:48, More)

» Local Nutters

Ah! The devil's wheelchair!...
ManekiNeko... Is the wheelchair guy still alive?? I have been past his hideout recently (he didn't live on the streets, but in a maisonette in Allesley Village), but alas, he hasn't been sitting at the window taking pictures of every passer-by for ages.

Maybe he's joined goldie lookin' chain...

Or his scooter ran out of batteries... meh...
(Tue 21st Sep 2004, 14:52, More)