b3ta.com user The Magenta Ninja
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This week I are been mostly shopping

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Mr Tickle helps his friend...

Mr Suicide
(Mon 7th Feb 2005, 22:19, More)

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» What's the hardest you've tried to get dumped?

I have been a prize bastard in my time pt2...
Picture the scene if you will. It was the summer of 98, I had taken a year out between A-levels and uni. I had mucked around with a few of the local girls, nothing serious.
Nothing until Jenny* came along.
Jenny was cool for a while, then I got bored, she wasn't all that fit and she tried to settle down too much.
I dumped Jenny. Jenny however did not agree.
I dumped Jenny again, this time much less subtly. Still no comprehension that it was over.
I pulled (and scored with) the girl my friend was after for some time. I was sure that the admission of this would make her dump me (get me with the psychology eh?). Alas not. It seems all I got was a teary phone call and the forgiveness.
Finally it took a combination of some serious ignoring her very existence and eventually introducing her to my new girlfriend. All of this finally got me clear of the little freak, though it did cost me a Foo Fighters hoody (the one with the bubble alien gun) and a limited edition Fat of the Land CD.

Cut to 3 months (and 2 lady friends) later . Most of my friends are going to Glastonbury, I however have no funds to clear the £80 entrance fee. I was seriously bummed but have got used to the fact and the rest of my friends eventually made plans to go without me. Jenny dropped by one of the pubs I frequented with a friend of hers and a sob story. Apparently her boyfriend had dumped her (woo surprise) just before she was going to give him a ticket to Glasto as a present. Long story less long, I get offered the chance to buy said ticket.
£30 later a very happy Magenta Ninja runs off to his mates to bring them the good news.
"Oh dear," they say "there's no room left on our bus."
I had to go back to Jenny and mate to beg for a lift, Jenny happily obliges and we make our travel plans. My Idea was to get a lift down whit the girls the hook up with the lads when I got there and camp with them.

Once at Glasto however I realised that the lads had yet to arrive and as none of us have thought to bring our mobile phones with us I had no way of contacting them. The upshot being that somewhat reluctantly I set my tent with the girls.

The Festival was great, I eventually found the boys and spent most of the time hanging out with them then going back to my tent at the night time to sleep.
Something like the second night in I was in my tent warm in my sleeping bag and asleep when I was woken up by someone opening my tent. In creeps Jenny with her sleeping bag.
I was very wierded out by this and decide to make my excuse to go for a piss or something and get hell out of there. 30 minutes to an hour later I ventured back to hear big old snores coming from my tent. Now I was annoyed at this but also slightly relieved and light was on in her friends tent. I asked if it was ok and her friend invited me in. We started chatting then she droped something of a bombshell.

"There was no other boyfriend, The ticket Jenny had bought was always intended for you. The whole of the last 3 months has been spent planning ways to get back with you!"

It turned out that this had freaked her friend almost as much as me and she only went along because she too got a ticket into Glasto (she didn't have to pay though). One thing lead to another and we eventually "Get it on" as I believe kids today call "hot animal sex".
Unfortunately her friend turned out to be a little vocal and Jenny became very aware of what we were doing.

We didn't realise this until the next morning when we awoke to find Jenny gone, my tent trashed and a note telling us to both and I quote
"Die of Crotch Cancer"

Mission finally accomplished

*Names have been changed to protect, well me really. Didn't you read the story? She was a fucking psycho!
(Sun 8th Jun 2008, 22:34, More)

» What's the hardest you've tried to get dumped?

I have been a prize bastard in my time pt1...
The nastiest I have ever been was when I got monumentally drunk one night and pulled what can only (kindly) be described as a Hipocrocadogapig at some dodgy indie club in Leicester.

She, taking advantage of the bad lighting and to be honest piss poor beer induced judgement, managed to drag me back to her place for some Hot-Blubbery-Lovin. All was well for a while, my stellavision preventing me from seeing that I was humping some kind of land based manatee.

Unfortunately for this failed experiment in human animal hybrids, after about 1/2 an hour "in her company" I began to sober up a little too much.
I began to realise that the lads in my university halls would hear about this.
The terrors of the kangaroo court session that would inevitably follow worried me more than a little (there's more than QOTW entry in that little lot I tell you).

Eventually it all got to much, my self esteem and outright cowardice overpowered any guilt I may have felt.
It should be noted at this point this still do not feel too guilty and maintain that she took advantage of me in my drunken state.
I "withdrew" from the scene and started to dress myself hurriedly.

"What's going on," she asked "you didn't finish did you?"
"No," I replied struggling into my jeans "I've just sobered up too much to carry on!"

Exit Magenta Ninja stage left with a the flubber crying in the corner.

Length? its just the right size (apparently)
(Sun 8th Jun 2008, 18:53, More)

» The worst sex I ever had

Fortunatly not mine...
A friend of mine was with a girl who was most turned on by the fact that is nipples were pierced, as were hers... matching pairs, how sweet.

Now I can speak from personal experience that she was an "energetic" and noisy lover (her mother once asked if we could "be more quiet next time" after a successful session in her bedroom). One fateful evening my friend was paying visit to her velvet sausage wallet whilst she was playfully bighting his nipples. It was while she was bighting away that my friend decided, rather unwisely it would seem, to throw his "Creamy Muck Muck". This caused her to spasm wildly taking a full 3/4 of his nipple with her.

He now has the rather ironic nickname of Scaramanga.

Feel the girth
(Sun 17th Jun 2007, 1:31, More)