b3ta.com user MattyB
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» People with Stupid Names

She's not that short either...
I work with a lady called Pat Head.
(Fri 27th Aug 2004, 10:51, More)

» My Worst Vomit

Sandwich Box Shenanigans
I was 15-ish, at another one of those teenage parties where I felt like a handbrake on a canoe (i.e. utterly out of place). Decided to have a drink or two and after a while woke up singing to myself lying in the flowerbed (convincing myself that as I remembered all the words that I couldn't have been THAT drunk). Well, I was sober enough to cycle 6 miles home to South Oxford at 3am, where I sneaked upstairs to bed. Then the fun begins - I desperately needed to puke, but going to the bathroom would have woken my parents. So I look around for something to be sick into, and find the sandwich box in my schoolbag. Honk into that & hide it under the bed.

The next morning I wake & the first think I think is "jesus what's that smell?". Last night's receptacle is now filled with a deep red mix of cheap French plonk & party nibbles..I don't think the staining ever came out.

I'd love to be able to say I've never been ill since but that would be fibbing.
(Tue 24th Aug 2004, 13:10, More)